How Do You Unplug From “The Matrix”?

It’s a Saturday, time to unplug and I need to blog.hqdefault

Well, it was a Saturday when I wrote the 1st draft.

I hope I eventually did through one up before this one.

I didn’t.

Shoot, I’m not sure.

I’ve been busy brooding over being abandoned that I haven’t been noticing much of life.

And what’s important.

Like you, reading this blog. You are important to me.

“We do not exist for ourselves …” – Thomas Merton

Not too sure what that quote means exactly but my guess is that you find your purpose when you look outside of yourself.

The meaning of life or whatever.

I think a lot, I like really overthink stuff and I end up too focused on myself and end up listening to my negative self-talk over and over again like a broken record.

fb_img_14757036410192509622996734996495.jpgSo my game-plan to counter that was to shift my thinking to a positive mindset, so that I can at least see the glass as half full.

Joking around with my mates about how hard life is didn’t help with improving much either.

Life is only as hard as we make it…

Lol!

Which is so much bullshit, because life is just plain hard.

It’s just a matter of finding a way around it, or a work around so that you don’t find yourself being beat all the time.

“When life knocks you down, land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. – Les Brown”

My self-medication, well my constructive one anyways, includes blogging about stuff I really want to believe.

Shit that doesn’t have me wanting to drown my sorrows all the time as an antidepressant or craving for sex so I can jump start my dopamine fix.

Finding a corner to curl up in the fetal position so I can cry my worries away has not done much to improve my life either.

I think I’m just angry and I’m projecting instead of seeking counselling.

Sense 8 was right when they said violence has a gender.

Even if in my case it’s internalized.

Musa the masochist.

Double M.

The pain is pleasure, pleasure is pain cycle I trap myself in.

A cycle I call my life.

A cycle I manage to break free from by writing blogs like these.

For you.

Because you save my life, you see…

…and I love you for that.

Because I’m an emotional Cancerian that likes to hoard nice things.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musa

Aluta Continua

South Africa has been hit by a series of violence of late.

There have been xenophobic attacks.

I’m sure Twitter and YouTube will give you enough clips that will give you an idea of what has been happening.

What’s more painful have been the brutal violence and rape against South African women and children.

Every year around Women’s Month in August, this happens.

It’s as if all year round, nothing happens in relation to this, then come August…

…where the focus should be on celebrating women, we take a detour and focus on rape and femicide. Something that should be addressed daily.

It’s so fucked how the women are inconsolable.

It reminded me of a friend who was in an abusive relationship but did not have the strength to leave, at the time.

She eventually did.

Just like my mom.

The abuse she endured (emotionally and physically) led her leaving an environment that was constantly attacking her.

I used to blame her for leaving us (me and sister).

But now I see that it wasn’t an easy decision for her to make.

And while my world was on fire this past week, I was walking through it being reminded of my experiences with it.

Too relatable, and very close to home.

When even our own country banned…silenced those that tried to speak up about it.

It’s disgusting.

It angers me.

And self defeating.

It’s not acceptable.

It’s not normal.

You deserve better.

I pray that the exposure this is getting will give other women to find within themselves, the strength to leave abusive relationships.

The strength the women I referred to found through their children and the latter through her faith.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musa