You Want My Relationship Advice?

Let me start off by saying that relationships are funny.

Not funny “haha” but funny “ya neh.”

You’ll never get it right, all the time, 100% of the time.

I’m just thankful for the educational program I was on, with books and CDS on what relationships work.

Especially introducing me to books like Personality Plus and The 5 Love Languages, in that order preferably.eysenck

The way I was effing things up in my relationship with Thube, I’m not sure why she stuck with me for so long.

But those books helped me understand her and her, me.

Maybe the one thing we had going for us was that we both wanted us to work.

Even though I was sabotaging the relationship from the fear of losing someone who made me feel so good.

Let me explain:

Growing up, I taught myself not to be attached to events or things that made me feel good.

Because there was no guarantee that I was going to get them again.

Sometimes the parents had to work their butts off so my sister and I can have a taste of the good life.

So when good came in our household – in whatever form – I registered them as temporary.

I should expect a retake for a while, if ever.

Because I’m a clingy and sensitive SOB.

So enter Thube.

The name of that chapter in my life would be “The Psychologist.”

She flirted herself into a now 13 year relationship with me, that one.2013-03-01_1244_thumb-590x400

It’s only in the past year or so that I’m STARTING to understand what makes her tick.

My love for knowledge and how things work makes this an infinite game.

I love games.

So I always try to improve where I can.

And that’s why I speak so highly about those books.

They definitely helped me understand myself better.

It helped me understand her better.

But I had to be open and be vulnerable first.

Something society sees as “unmanly.”

And as a chauvinist, humbling myself and practicing mutual respect is still a work in progress for me.

~ Musa

“When the Real Leader Speaks, People Listen”

I got my hands on John Mawell’s book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership.

While reading Chapter 5 – The Law of E. F. HuttonWhen the Real Leader Speaks, People Listen I had a real world experience of  how I can apply it.

Thube invited her niece to the easter egg hunt that was hosted by my cousin.

So in the car we went.

Myself, Thube, Omu our first born and Thube’s niece.

She’s a toddler of around 5 years of age I believe.

A handful, like most toddlers but I just seem unable to communicate with her.

I tried.

It falls on death ears leaving me frustrated when what I request from her does not happen.

Welcome to parenthood right?

So I took a page from The Law of E. F. Hutton.41M1oUaz1ZL._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_

Sometimes, there is someone who has more influence than you.

Sometimes, when you think you have the role of the leader, the people in your charge at that moment might be inclined to be led by someone else.

Even if you are the one who is holding the title or the position of a leader.

So this time around I wanted to give it a go.

The little princess rolled down her window when she got in the backseat. When we hit the highway the most irritating sound came from that window.

From the wind outside coming through while driving.

So instead of me going at it with the sweetest voice my baritone can master, asking this little precious to close the window so I can put the aircon on for her, I asked the real leader.

Thube.

“Thube, please ask the little pumpkin to close the window for me,” I requested.

The message was relayed and, lo and behold, the little pumpkin willingly closed the window for us!

Something I would have struggled with if I had when at it my way.

Nothing groundbreaking to you I’m sure.

But to me, it really cemented the law.

Really interested in uncovering the laws that I can put in to play to get this leadership gig going.

~ Musa

What Is Love…?

Banner_Backgrounds_questionsMen don’t like talking about their feelings.

Let me not generalize.

I don’t like talking about my feelings.

This pisses Thube off.

Instead of me articualting, with my mouth & voice like a normal person, that Thube on this particular daym the comment you made really upset me.

It stung even more when you kept bringing it up during the course of the day.

Making as if I out to make life difficult for you, which is the last thing I want.

But no.

Musa keeps quiet and walks around moody, being sarcastic and rude to my person.

This is because I associate talking about my feelings as a sign of weakness.

And I don’t want to be seen as weak man in the eyes of my woman.

So I don’t talk about it.

That’s very clever of me.

This obviously drops number of times we have sex because I’m mad at her and she’s not going to reward me with sex for shitty attitude I’ve been giving her.

Ending up with me considering getting it somewhere else, because I am not getting it at home…and it’s her fault…

…Very childish thinking this.

All the while, girl has no clue why I’m being so spiteful during our interactions.

And where do I expect her to quench her sexual needs when I’m being such a dick.

(See what I did there?)

This “weakness” kills relationships.

Well, it’s one of the things that kills relationships…then there’s money…but I digress.

I came to the realization of this story I’ve been telling myself while watching Tony Robbins “I Am Not Your Guru,” on the Netflix that I’ve been trying out with the night time data deals Homecloud is offering.

It gets tiring for Thube, hounding me to voice it out what’s eating at me.

The thought of her one day not coming to me, to “hound me” as I put, to only allow the rift between us grow into having us going our separate paths, shook me up.

Am I willing to have a bitch fit that leads me to losing the mother of my firstborn?

The love of my life.

My best friend.

My wife.

I decided to then drop the story I was telling myself about what my definition of being weak means.

To save my relationship.

By beginning to see communication as an essential element of what makes us a power couple. 51rV-3xwEJL._SX321_BO1,204,203,200_

The more we communicate, the stronger our bond, the more we can fill up each others love tank by communicating better with each others love languages.

The more the sex.

Communication is key.

It’s a difference between having a relationship & having a business transaction.

Because love is communication.

Musa

Journal About My Almost Mid-Life Crisis

What I love about BlackBerry – you know, the old ‘Berrys with the QWERTY keypads – is the feeling of the buttons underneath my thumbs.

Reminds me of those old “Tetris” handheld consoles during your GameBoys era.

Lol!

Should have used PSP instead of GameBoy some people won’t be able to relate.

Feeling nostalgic this afternoon.

As I said my goodbyes to a friend.

I would like to call him a friend.

Something I wasn’t too conscious about ever since I started the business.

In fact on a similar business model before this one, I used rapport for financial gains more than anything else.

But now it’s different.

I really enjoy people… I say that like it’s an achievement.

Especially like-minded oaks to help me when I’m down.

But people, some, can be awful at times, it usually spoils the view I have for the rest of them.

I speak like I’m an alien, separate from the human species, but like ja sometimes I feel that’s the case.

But it’s really nice when you meet someone who as a positive outlook.

Who laughs about life’s struggles but chooses to focus on making the best of things instead of bitching about them.

Not to denounce bitching, it has miraculous delightful benefits, but if that’s your only point view then life will continue to sucks for you.

‘Mean if being negative is your dominant reference point, life then for you is going to BE just that… Negative.

Since that is what you think with your thoughts, you affirm with your words and follow through with your actions.

That’s why I liked listening to some motivational CD a day.

A 15 min positive and/or instructive and/or motivation and/or inspiring read a day also does the trick too.

Come to think of it things are incredibly, sickly tough right now maybe it’s because of not practicing these simple daily principles on the daily.

Staying with the Mrs who I promised to marry while my wages can’t even take care of myself.

Only to have her being unexpectedly retrenched, she’s throwing the book to those fuckers by the way, leading to the creditors hounding her and the repo man gunning for her car.

What kind of a man am I to let my woman suffer like that?

Such very inspiring self talks I am told by my mentors to avoid having.

But on the flip side there’s a lot to be grateful for.

Even though there’s not much flexibility in our choices.

But I always says it’s only temporary.

Here I am trying to tell her that everything that is happening is bringing us closer to our goals…with nothing to show for it.

Which is true.

But it’s not her truth.

But I am grateful for choice.

As bad as things are, someone out there would give their left ball to live in what I call struggle.

The opportunities I have right now that I am taking for granted would drive someone else out there up the wall.

That’s why injecting the day with some form of positivity day in and day out will eventually train my mind to see these opportunities and allow me to capitalize on them.

“For every failure, there is an equal and opposite success.”

It’s just a matter of looking, intentionally for it.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened..”

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musawenkosi Tshoaele

How A Breaking Heart Can Be Good For You

I guess if you wake up the next morning still having to deal with the same situation you encountered the day before, change your request to the Universe from “please make this thing easier” to “please make me a better person.”

And it is through that empowering alternative prayer to Life that the “thing” becomes easier.

The only thing you have total control over is yourself. So focus on being a better person in order for everything else to be easier.

(c) Musawenkosi Tshoaele, 2010. All rights reserved.

Why You Have To Give To Others What You Want For Yourself

Why You Have To Give To Others What You Want For Yourself

Today is a The Day of Reconciliation, public holiday, and my girlfriend and I decided to go donate blood at nearest SANBS branch to us, which was at our beautiful Maponya mall.

Well, actually it was her idea and we all know how manipulative you girls can be, all for the good of mankind mind you, and so we ended up on the floor in reception area of their non-government organization.

The receptionist/ nurse at the clinic wanted to know why I wanted to donate blood, and I attempted to explain the Law of Giving and Receiving to her.

After the first sentence, all I got from her was a “Huh?”

lol!

My mind went on overdrive as I attempted to bring her up to speed to what the world, in relation to the Law of Giving and Receiving, was all about.

But due to the manner of my presentation as if I was talking to someone who was familiar with the subject of spirituality,

explaining this New Thought to her abundantly beautiful, humble, nurturing and special mind was…

…well, it got me tongue tied because I failed to take inconsideration the level of understanding of my audience.

It’s either she got the jest of what I was trying (have you notice how when we “try” to do something we mostly fail?) to relay to her and why I wanted to donate, in between the parables I was babbling

– which I hope she understood was that I was doing this from a giving heart, pun intended –

or she either told herself “This man must be mad crazy! And since we are in short supply of some mad crazy blood let me just give him a short brief and let him decide on whether he’s game or not.”

Everything was a go expect for the meds for indigestion I’m currently finishing off – diet needs to be improved, doctors orders.

If I still want to donate after 24 hours of taking my last pill then I’m more than welcome to go back there and do just that.

At best what I really wanted to inform of was that it has come to my experience that there is an invisible flow of something, which has everyone else living on the very circular, endless channel it flows on and which we were born into,

that carries our intentions covered in our deeds, good or bad, away from us only to boomerang them back to us.

In reality, we do not give out material things like

  • Christmas cards,
  • statements and comments,
  • hand shakes,
  • inner thoughts about self and others,
  • favors,
  • chores,
  • service,
  • products,
  • duties

and any other forms of action without simultaneously giving out the intention or emotion behind it.

In fact what we do give IS the intent or emotion and not the physical act or deed.

So when two people get told the same thing and setup goals that will systematically make them successful with one person achieving success while the other does not, the latter went of with an emotion/ intent of failing

Unconscious to her, otherwise she would have succeeded no matter what she did.

So when we give our intentions in and through our actions – thought, word, deed or act – this invisible flow of something I mentioned early carries it out to everything and everyone in this world.

When humans “pick it up” as it enters their mind as an idea, inspiration or thought

(this needs to read Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich interpretation of how the mind works like a broadcasting and receiving station),

they might entertain this intention that is clothed by the image they picked up, the mind thinks in pictures and not in words, and thus release it again back to the invisible circular stream of something that flows through and with everything and everyone.

And therefore making it possible for it returning back to you, the source, for you to only begin another cycle again and again…

So, nurse, it is from my experience of this that I would rather give the intention of love by clothing it in act of blood donating in order for me, by law, to receive more love in my life.

Therefore promoting the concept of abundance in this world.

I give that which I want for myself.

And it is by understanding this Law of Giving and Receiving that you will understand that what I am doing is not for selfish reasons, but for a universally generous purpose.

(c) Musawenkosi Tshoaele 2009