Turbulence

Nkulunkulu wami, why is it that lapho engithi ngibamba khona, kuvese kunga bambeki?

Or are you teaching me not to be comfortable.

Because being comfortable means angiyi phambili nge lewe?

Ngiyazama,

Mdala,

Mara uma ngithi ngibheka phambili, kule ndlela engi vaya kuyo, kumnyama.

Ngathi ugesi awukho le voor.

Ende ngiqonde khona daar.

Kuya khuphukela.

Ngibheka ema sayi dini, ngibona kuzi bedela wees.

Angiboni ngathi kuzo phela.

Bengizo fasa ihand brake nou ngi jinde le lewe iqubeke phambili.

16.

Hai wou ngi grend.

Mara ngivaya ne ncosi.

Akuna wou niks.

Kwamele ngishaye ngathi ngiya themba kuthi sizo fika lapho, engi fisela kuthi sizo fikela khona.

Ngoba, bona, mina ke Sehoja

LeRussia

Kubu Kubu entsa marota re o bone.

Tsoela.

Ama Die Hard.

Never Die.

Rabobi.

~ Musa

Nothing Beats The Grind

After 2-3 weeks of submitting a minimum of 10 resumes a day, I finally got a job. My fiance’s family fed me during the holidays hustle.

A very humbling experience since I am a prideful man.

I don’t like getting handouts because in my life I’ve come to find that most handouts come with an IOU tag.

I don’t want to be indebted to anyone.

So being in the position I was in, made me grind harder.

I think I sent out those CVs and with me going to interviews between.

Some interviews where scams, some promising. But I kept submitting them promising or not.

Most people start slowling where nearing the finish line.

I slow down once I cross it.

Hell, I even turned to reading the bible.

You know shit’s hit the fan when I pick up “the book.”

It kept me going. That and seeing the unbothered smile on my daughter’s face.

She hit the side of her eye, that one, playing in the playgrounds at cresche.

Had to get stitched. Busy walking around with an eye the size of a golf ball. To put it mildly, she was not impressed seeing the world with one eye.

But I’m glad I was there to assist with the healing process.

But it was her mom that kept me above water mainly. There’s no one I appreciated more, beyond words even, than her, during this period.

I felt stripped of my title as a provider.

As a man, if I cannot provide for my family, what am I?

Feeling lost, going to bed with a broken heart. I was without purpose and I felt depressed.

The need to feel needed by corporate was overwhelming. Which felt like a contradiction because I promote the idea of owning your own business.

A purposeless, non providing, hypocrite of the a man.

And I knew if I start hating myself then there won’t be any improvement in my life.

So I kept my black ass working to keep from thinking negative thoughts.

Because my thinking was shit.

It worked, at face level.

But for lasting results, I need that deep kinda loving.

That only I can provide from the inside out.

The grind paid off.

Now employed on a probationary basis.

Work ethic + being intentional + the law of averages working in my favour produced results.

With prayer and work ethic, something’s got to give.

And it did.

As expected.

~ Musa

PS. This was a delayed post. My baby girl is all healed up now. Mischievous as hell. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Celebrate Your “Little Wins”

I’ve been having subtle wins this year, and I haven’t been sharing them on my blog.

I’m sorry about that.

The diagnosis for my daughter has been taking most of my energy.

I’m not the first or the last to have given birth to a child with special needs. This whole experience has changed my perspective about people with disorders.

It made me appreciate those who care for them even more. It was more of the mental work I was going through, more than anything else, that has me reeling.

I shared with a friend how I have mixed emotions about where I am right now, in my life.

Feelings of shame, regret, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, anger, blame, joy, happiness, pride, excitement, significance, responsibility, humility.

But the very first of the emotions I felt when I got the news was denial.

“She’s just a child.”

“She’ll eventually start speaking soon. Maybe when she turns 4.”

“Children are supposed to be hyper active, they are young.”

But getting a diagnosis from a speech therapist, as well as an occupational therapist, as well as a neuro-paediatrician, all coming to the same autistic conclusion, can’t be disputed.

My ignorance of this disorder, the fear of this unknown, a fear I couldn’t run from, led me to fighting it. This prolonged the therapy necessary to better manage the condition, unnecessarily.

Did you know that there is an autism spectrum?

Where they decide how severe the autism is?

What is autism?

The brochure I got from the counselling we got from, Gloria, the lady that runs Autism South Africa says:

“An Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a lifelong condition that affects the way a person communicated and relates to people around them.

People with an ASD have difficulty on relating to others in a meaningful way.

Their ability to develop friendships is generally limited as is their capacity to understand other people’s emotional expression.

Some people, but not all, have accompanying learning disabilities.

All people with an ASD have impairments in social interaction, social communication and imagination.…”

It’s like learning a new language this thing.

How I relate to her to how I thought I would relate to her, to how I should.

She’s a toddler, sommer needs to add that to the mix as well.

So the majority of my year has been finding coping mechanisms.

Some healthy, most…not so healthy.

But the bottom line is how all my energies were focused in that area of my life, and this led to me neglecting this blog.

Bringing me back to this update.

I’ve been rewriting my goals down almost every day.

(It should be every day I know, but I’m working on it.)

So, with me silently working on attracting these things on my goal list, however improbable, I have managed to achieve some of them.

I was just testing a theory that Napoleon Hill’s Law of Success: The 21st-Century Edition documented.

I wanted my fiancé’s car to be settled. We had another year to go until that was going to happen.

I hate waiting, and the persistent calls she was getting from the bank asking her to make payment for it was draining both our energies.

Guess what, after about 4 months of me writing this as one of my goals, unbeknownst to her, she managed to attract the funds to have the car settled last month!

What are the chances that something I was writing about achieving, without her knowing, could really come true just like that!!

Another of my “little wins” was how I managed to get my phone back from the repair guy.

The iPad my daughter shattered was also repaired.

We were gifted 2 Nutrilite Omega 3 packs, which I also had on my list. I actually had one, but the universe – through Dr York Liu, gave us 2.

I needed a new Hymm Shaving Razor. Which we got as well.

Small things that I’ve been writing about, without anyone knowing, are coming into my life.

Through various and interesting ways. Wins that need to be celebrated, especially how the car got settled.

That is brilliance at its best.

But more importantly, it’s the way that these goals have been attracted that gives me hope and hopefully, courage to ask for bigger goals.

You should give it a go.

~ Musa

Just Peachy….

I was on Facebook with it’s FB memories reminders.

That seems to be the only thing I update on Facebook, come to think of it.

Meaning next year I will be reminded about the memories FB reminded me of today.

Nothing new under the sun.

Went emo couple of days back with the blog I published.

That day sucked, but I’ve had worse.

The morning sex usually helps with improving my mood.

But my partner in crime was not available for the joint venture so I turned to food. I was out of beer.

Self gratification gives me minimal pleasure. Not as satisfying as the excitement I get in conquering the female body into orgasm…I digress.

So I took baby girl to daycare in the morning.

Did the dishes.

Took a nap.

Bathed and headed for work.

I took the time I spent offline focusing on what’s going right, even though the world is on fire around me.

Reminds me of that hell scene when John Constantine went for a quick peek in that Constantine movie.

Things could be better, yes, but bitching about them won’t change them much.

Sometimes the discomfort you are experiencing now is nudging you forward, not backward.

Busy praying for deliverance from your current unhappiness but you’re not happy with the process it takes for your prayer to be answered.

S*** will always hit the fan. Even more so when change is coming.

Think it’s a matter of riding it out. But to always keep your eyes on the price.

That’s why goals are important.

Without them, what’s the point of living?

~ Musa

“Dead Or Alive, You Are Coming With Me.”

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Been having a lot of pent up anger of late.

It compounds.

Lack of sleep.

Haven’t been reading a good book for almost a week now.

Missing out on my daily meditations.

Haven’t been rewriting my goals.

Not been listening to motivational audios.

Skipping motivational & educational videos.

It’s been months since I’ve been visualizing my success.

I haven’t been exercising as much as I did.

Been poorly taking my vitamins and supplements.

All things happening daily, gradually, to a point where I feel exhausted physically and mentally.

Dropping my emotional intelligence.

I’m in the business of where losing your cool would cost you your job.

That love and hate relationship of being concerned of losing the job you hate.

Where now I incorrectly blame others for my lack of self mastery.

You attract what you are.

Happiness is an inside job.

Won’t happen overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.

The rest is just consistency on your part.

Change begins when you take 100% responsibility of what’s happening around you.

To you.

Through you.

~ Musa

What World War Z Taught Me

world-war-z-2-release-dateJoe Rogan mentioned something about how doing things that are tough, make you humble.

He was being interviewed about why he doesn’t let his fame go to his head.

He says exposing himself to challenging situation, where he gets his ass kicked, makes him humble.

I had one of those. Maybe you did too.

When you got your ass handed to you.

As soothing as curling up with my head buried against my knees sounds, there is no progress there.

That version of myself won’t get me anywhere. It won’t get me ahead.

Having a cry now and again isn’t a bad thing.

It’s when you keep crying about the past that’s the issue.

It’s gone.

It happened.

So what?

What are you going to do now, that’s going to get you moving.

Baby, you got to keep moving to survive.

That’s what World War Z taught me.

Your move.

~ Musa

Replace Your S** t Habits With Good Ones

I kept on seeing and hearing the name Simon Sinek being projected in my head.

Simon Sinek.

As if stuck in the frontal lobe of my brain.

Simon Sinek.

All this, haunting, while trying to sleep.

So here I am, writing about him.

I don’t know much about him.

He was first brought to my attention by a business partner who has a background in medicine.

Google Sinek.

From the little I know of him is that he’s a speaker.

He speaks about most about leadership. On what defines a leader and what drives her. Reasons why they are true leaders. Amongst other things.

He’s available on different social media sites, I also follow him on Twitter and IG.

He’s an author as well, he wrote Start With Why.

And there are lots of videos on the ‘Tube that have he’s talks.

I think there’s a vid of one of his talks I posted in one of my blogs that I thought was awesome.

There’s a bias that comes with being a leader that I want to take advantage of.

The monetary benefits of being paid to solve problems being one of them.

It’s as if followers create problems while leaders get paid to solve them.

So I’ve been listening to some of his audios as well. Him, John Maxwell and Gary Vaynerchuk are the 3 guys I’ve been filling my head with of late.

And Eric Thomas. #TGIM

I guess I can be obsessed with certain things in my life, such as my personal development.

If I don’t invest the time for it, noone else will.

Then I will just be like the rest of them, blaming my job or spouse or community or the government or the gods for my current, undesirable situations.

Not realising that the true problem here is me.

I fix me, all else gets fixed.

It’s an inside job.

~ Musa