The Importance of Contrast

It’s important to expose yourself to contrast.

I’m speaking in terms of minding not to over expose your brain to negative sh**.

Too much of that would have you thinking the whole world going to hell.

With the Internet customizing your search results based on your preference, social media just reaffirms your set of beliefs.

Whether they are valid or not.

So watch more positive stuff.

Read more inspiring stuff.

Like more uplifting posts.

Reshare more motivational shandis.

Manipulate the system in your favor.

Acknowledge the shit show you might be in, but lean in more to the life enriching ideology.

Especially when you realize what’s truly important in your life.

Beautifully explained in the movie I was chatting about with my sister, About Time.

~ Musa

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You Could Have It Worse

downloadHad a shit day at work yesterday.

Came back home having successfully gathered, in my mind, other BS past events to feel shit about.

But instead of hiding my mini depression behind alcohol or sex, I decided to pray about it.

Having all that stuff compound inside you, in the form of thoughts, will fester and eat you up inside.

Venting in the form of prayer, for me anyway, helps.

So I went to bed, sat up and took my sleeping Sethu in my arms and began to pray.

As if using her as my telephone line to God.

Mentioning how that very baby girl has the flue and needs to get better soon.

How taking her to speech therapy is emotionally taxing and how I need to be strong for her during these effortless sessions – the little one has the time of her life during these sessions.

I also prayed on how I need to speak to this surprisingly ignorant daycare teacher labeling my genius baby as a slow learner, even though the child development specialist evaluated that she’s only delayed in speech for her age.

Please-climb-that-tree1Actually f*** the specialist, I see that my baby is on point, even though the stupid twat doesn’t.

I prayed over the shit job situation, and their stupid ass meetings that borderline exit interviews.

Prayed about me having to raise 6 times my monthly salary in a space of 12 months as an offering to officially marry the mother of my child.

Me having to move my family to a new rental space. This being our 9th move to date.

The car needing services & repairs.

Me, the first born, feeling compelled to take care of my mom who sold her house.

God knows why.

I say God knows because after the house got sold and she had to go rent for a couple of months, she moved to another church.

The previous church is rumored as a church that uses people’s beliefs to church’s benefit…then again isn’t that the case with most churches?

God works in mysterious ways.

Mom now stays with relatives, who I feel are side eyeing me on why I haven’t stepped up to the plate and took ownership of her situation.

Hell, I’m barely holding things together with my family, let alone including umama into the equation.

Thinking that having the mother of my child going back to live her parents house would save us some money and open up some cashflow options, only to have her own mother kick her out.

Mamazala, your future son in law is working on solutions here but you’re a not getting with the program.

With resumes being updated and submitted for new job apps among all of this. Anxiety levels stretching since I’m going out of my comfort zone and whoring myself out to the marketplace yet again.

Then I heard are only distributor of energy in South Africa was over R400 billion in debt.

So maybe I don’t have it all that bad see?

~ Musa

“Dead Or Alive, You Are Coming With Me.”

loopable-ekg-line-ekg-monitor-ekg-machine-heart-health-blue-ecg-monitor-shows-healthy-heart-beat-seamless-loop_sfw_cr5e__F0002

Been having a lot of pent up anger of late.

It compounds.

Lack of sleep.

Haven’t been reading a good book for almost a week now.

Missing out on my daily meditations.

Haven’t been rewriting my goals.

Not been listening to motivational audios.

Skipping motivational & educational videos.

It’s been months since I’ve been visualizing my success.

I haven’t been exercising as much as I did.

Been poorly taking my vitamins and supplements.

All things happening daily, gradually, to a point where I feel exhausted physically and mentally.

Dropping my emotional intelligence.

I’m in the business of where losing your cool would cost you your job.

That love and hate relationship of being concerned of losing the job you hate.

Where now I incorrectly blame others for my lack of self mastery.

You attract what you are.

Happiness is an inside job.

Won’t happen overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.

The rest is just consistency on your part.

Change begins when you take 100% responsibility of what’s happening around you.

To you.

Through you.

~ Musa

Winnie Madikizela-Mandela (1936-2018)

95308433f3394a58b30d64e0c82c99aeIt’s a sad day today with us laying to rest Winnie Madikizela-Mandela.

It was a huge funeral procession, which almost worthy to the individual.

Someone praised so much in death but wasn’t a celebrated in life.

But such is the way of the world.

One could go as far as saying that she kept former president Nelson’s name alive during his 27 year incarceration.

Keeping him relevant, inspiring artist’s like the late Brenda Fassie to sing songs about him.

At time that when the streets where on fire.

Literally.

The aftermath being relived in the minds of our parents and grandparents.

Influencing how we are raised.

In this “democratic” Republic.

May her soul rest in peace.

My Leader.

Hell Is An Experience

Carracci-PurgatoryI’m thinking that sometimes we need to pray when things are going right too.

Like right now, as I’m thankful to God that my little girl is healthy and getting stronger by the day.

Almost a month ago she was in hospital being treated for the pneumonia she picked up at creche we think.

It’s a public hospital that means we were kicked out around 7pm and allowed in back in at 7am.

It felt shitty leaving her behind, oxygen mask on, drip in arm, with her feeling sickly.

There was no better time to go to God with her paining like she was.

So, eventually, when the weight of it all brought me to my knees, I started praying.

Not a lofty prayer but a detailed, heartfelt prayer of gratitude.

Being thankful of what I already have and being thankful of what I wanted to see, in terms of a healthy baby that’s being discharged and back home with us.

And I continued spending most of my day being grateful of that truth.

My truth.

A prayer God answered.

Remembering Her in the bad times only to forget or take Her for granted in the good times.

Beka manje, I’m spending my off day with my Beasty and I’m not thanking God for that.

While in this physical life I see hell and heaven as an experience.

Not a destination.

And the further away from God the closer I am to experiencing situations that feel hellish.

But with continuous association and communication with Her I will be guided out of those hell experiences into heavenly ones.

Like the one I’m having now.

And I’m grateful for them.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musa

The Fixer

B33rFzqCYAIREuFSometimes when the road ahead looks very dark, anxiety levels go up.

That’s when I come to you God to help shed some light.

But if the road I’m taking vele has no street lights then I’m relieved knowing that you are by my side.

I’m taking this knee with this post because I’m also in dire need so my ancestors need to be also involved in this prayer.

Because without them I would be here, and without You they wouldn’t have been.

I light my candles and incense with this update in gratitude of what I already have.

Thank you for our business.

Thank you for our jobs.

Thank you for the shelter you are providing us.

Thank you for the water and lights that we sometimes take for granted.

Thank you for the food we eat.

Our perfect health and the rich relationships we have.

Thank you for the clothes on our backs.

And the large amounts of income that come to us through various sources, with increasing frequency.

All praise goes to you God.

I am bound to make flops along the way.

I just want to thank you for softening the falls.

Thank you for giving me the courage to fail forward.

Because there is no learning without falling. And I need to learn so I can grow to be my better self.

Continue guiding us through to our better self.

Yours in gratitude,

Amen

Stay True

It’s important to hold fast to your truth.

Sometimes life can be like this morning’s cold breeze trying to push your focus away from your truth.

Strengthen your grip.

You know what you know to be true even though your current reality shows you otherwise.

Strengthen that grip.

When your fingers tire and you begin to lose your grip.

Then Philippians 4:13.Jon-Jones-stripped-of-title-1024x640

Because what you focus on expands.

Let your truth expand.

I love you.

Thank you.

I’m sorry.

Pleas forgive me.

~ Musa