Let me start off by saying that relationships are funny.
Not funny “haha” but funny “ya neh.”
You’ll never get it right, all the time, 100% of the time.
I’m just thankful for the educational program I was on, with books and CDS on what relationships work.
Especially introducing me to books like Personality Plus and The 5 Love Languages, in that order preferably.
The way I was effing things up in my relationship with Thube, I’m not sure why she stuck with me for so long.
But those books helped me understand her and her, me.
Maybe the one thing we had going for us was that we both wanted us to work.
Even though I was sabotaging the relationship from the fear of losing someone who made me feel so good.
Let me explain:
Growing up, I taught myself not to be attached to events or things that made me feel good.
Because there was no guarantee that I was going to get them again.
Sometimes the parents had to work their butts off so my sister and I can have a taste of the good life.
So when good came in our household – in whatever form – I registered them as temporary.
I should expect a retake for a while, if ever.
Because I’m a clingy and sensitive SOB.
So enter Thube.
The name of that chapter in my life would be “The Psychologist.”
She flirted herself into a now 13 year relationship with me, that one.
It’s only in the past year or so that I’m STARTING to understand what makes her tick.
My love for knowledge and how things work makes this an infinite game.
I love games.
So I always try to improve where I can.
And that’s why I speak so highly about those books.
They definitely helped me understand myself better.
It helped me understand her better.
But I had to be open and be vulnerable first.
Something society sees as “unmanly.”
And as a chauvinist, humbling myself and practicing mutual respect is still a work in progress for me.