The Relapse

When I get obsessed with something or someone, I get really obsessed.

My grip becomes relentless.

I’m a hoarder.

When something feels good or fulfils something that I need, I hold on to it and I don’t let go.

This sometimes comes back to bite me in the ass.

Like a 5 year long job I held on to even though I could get a better paying job with improved working conditions elsewhere.

Or when someone distances themselves from me, I choose to completely ignore the tells and find a way to still stay “close” to them.

Some people are just to kind to blow me off.

I’m an emotional person.

I’m a very sensual person.

So knowing these facts about myself I tend to avoid human beings, because once I open up to someone, it very hard for me to let go of them.

So I walk around with a scowl on my face.

I’m very unapproachable.

I have my defensives up, because I’m so gullible.

I’m empathetic.

I then want to find things that would make you happy, so that I can also ride that high that comes from your happiness.

This makes me want to make you happy even more.

It becomes like a drug.

I have a very negative outlook in life generally, so finding “fountains” of happiness is like treasure hunting for me.

And when I do, I hoard it.

I’m over-sensitive.

When someone I love breaks away from me or their level of reciprocal love diminishes, I feel like the whole world is ending.

Just like how mom separated from my dad during my teens.

It turns out dad divorced my mom and not the other way around.

I used to blame her for the longest of time for that.

I believe that’s why I stayed for so long with a company that did not value me.

Because “breaking up” with it would trigger an emotion linked to a devastating memory.

I’m a masochist.

My pain-threshold is high, so even when I’m being rejected, I find ways to ignore and muscle on the delusion of being wanted (this is because, to me pain is pleasure).

When in truth my services are no longer required.

I taught my brain to associate pain with pleasure.

It’s like having sex, but with my brain.

A mindfuck.

Which sometimes leads me to making rash decisions that end up with me meeting up wonderful people.

The MacGyvers of this world.

The Steven Siegals.

The Chuck Norrises.

The Terminators.

The Never Dies.

Bo James Bond…who I end up falling in love with, because I have a weak restraint when it comes to managing my emotions.

I’m impulsive.

I’m Musawenkosi Tshoaele.

~ Musa

How Do You Unplug From “The Matrix”?

It’s a Saturday, time to unplug and I need to blog.hqdefault

Well, it was a Saturday when I wrote the 1st draft.

I hope I eventually did through one up before this one.

I didn’t.

Shoot, I’m not sure.

I’ve been busy brooding over being abandoned that I haven’t been noticing much of life.

And what’s important.

Like you, reading this blog. You are important to me.

“We do not exist for ourselves …” – Thomas Merton

Not too sure what that quote means exactly but my guess is that you find your purpose when you look outside of yourself.

The meaning of life or whatever.

I think a lot, I like really overthink stuff and I end up too focused on myself and end up listening to my negative self-talk over and over again like a broken record.

fb_img_14757036410192509622996734996495.jpgSo my game-plan to counter that was to shift my thinking to a positive mindset, so that I can at least see the glass as half full.

Joking around with my mates about how hard life is didn’t help with improving much either.

Life is only as hard as we make it…

Lol!

Which is so much bullshit, because life is just plain hard.

It’s just a matter of finding a way around it, or a work around so that you don’t find yourself being beat all the time.

“When life knocks you down, land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. – Les Brown”

My self-medication, well my constructive one anyways, includes blogging about stuff I really want to believe.

Shit that doesn’t have me wanting to drown my sorrows all the time as an antidepressant or craving for sex so I can jump start my dopamine fix.

Finding a corner to curl up in the fetal position so I can cry my worries away has not done much to improve my life either.

I think I’m just angry and I’m projecting instead of seeking counselling.

Sense 8 was right when they said violence has a gender.

Even if in my case it’s internalized.

Musa the masochist.

Double M.

The pain is pleasure, pleasure is pain cycle I trap myself in.

A cycle I call my life.

A cycle I manage to break free from by writing blogs like these.

For you.

Because you save my life, you see…

…and I love you for that.

Because I’m an emotional Cancerian that likes to hoard nice things.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musa

A Business Like No Other…

new-mlm-companiesI think network marketing levels the playing field.

I could be wrong, it’s just my observation.

From my limited observation, businesses are handed over from generation to generation.

The only legacy I’ve seen being left the masses is poverty.

Some families are brought up with the option of aspiring to be business owner, while other families are sold the idea of becoming employees or self employed.

Asking the government to fix this in the form of land distribution, for instance, is as effective as the removal of our now current President from office.

But network marketing nullifies this dependent mindset.

The right one also offers you training and mentorship on how to succeed by also developing a business owner mindset.

But the best ones allow for your network marketing business to be passed on from generation to generation, just like these families I spoke of earlier.

With the right training to develop your skills, I believe anyone can succeed in what they put their minds to.

Multi level marketing included.

One of the hiccups I have with conventional business is the start up capital, amongst other uncertainties.

But obviously if you are committed enough and want it badly enough then you can find solutions around that.

I guess one chooses ones battles.

With me preferring minimum start up capital.

Minimal operational costs.

No overhead.picture2

With some part time but consistent work ethic, the results are predictable.

Results that can supplement my current salary.

Results that can be on par with my current salary.

Results that can eclipse my current salary.

A business like no other.

Look as a disclaimer, anything legit that allows you to make extra income is great.

Be it MLMs or another job or part time gig or strip joints.

I’m just talking about what I’m exposed to.

Do you due dilengece.

This working you way up to your salary month end only to start at zero the following month, is insane.

But most of us are doing it so it’s ok right?

I don’t think so.

~ Musa

The Importance of Biting Your Tongue

The fear of loss is greater than the need to gain.
Tony Robbins, author of Awaken the Giant Within

Yesterday I bit my tongue while chewing on an orange.

Ever had such sudden and excruciating pain that you felt like the world has come to an end?

Well that’s what came to mind for me anyways when my teeth dug into the side of my tongue.

It’s been a while since I’ve had some good ones so you could imagine the shock of the pleasure of eating one of my favourite fruits combined with the pain of self mutilation 😥

Thankfully I survived and endless streams of blood didn’t gush out of my wound as I thought it would.

It just had me thinking of how pain can be used to change your emotional and physical state.

And how it can also be used as a motivating factor in your life.

It just echoes what I’ve been reading from Anthony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within book of how we are motivated by two emotions: pain or pleasure.

As in the only reason you keep from doing certain things, that might even produce positive results in your life, is because you associate an emotion of pain towards them.

As in you believe you will some how experience pain or some sort of discomfort in you doing it.

And the only reason you keep doing certain things, that might even be giving you negative results in your life, is because you’ve come to associate some sort of pleasure in doing them.

As in you believe that some sort of pleasurable feeling will come from you doing that particular thing.

Anthony’s book is an eye opener for me in a sense that not only can you identify these patterns but you can also change these patterns to suit your needs and specific outcomes.

Because for you to change your results (the effects) you need to first change the source (the cause).

Pain can bring you so much clarity…to a point where you even find yourself blogging about it 🙂

PS. The tongue is healed and ready for some more oranges!! Buhahahahaha!!