Are Your Among The Undead?

withGod needs praising.

I know this sounds weird from someone who has one foot in and one foot out when it comes to Christianity.

Actually it’s not God I have beef with but Christianity.

Most see them as one in the same.

But I always like to be clear that you can have one without the other, especially when it comes to what you define God as.

Something I felt throughout my jaded teachings in church.

An understanding I needed clarity on that I found in “Conversations with God.”

Thank you Nombali Ntuli for the recommended read.

It is with God that All things are possible.

Growing with understanding of what God really is, I feel, is a personal growth that you can share with others.

But it shouldn’t be gospel.

Although, I believe church is necessary.

The endless metaphors – open to a variety of interpretation – that become doctrine, are sprinkled throughout the Bible.

Hence the various churches we have.

Variety is good.

It’s good because Tony says it’s good.

Tony likes Conor.

I don’t like Conor.

Maybe it’s because I don’t know his story.

I know Tony’s story though.

So Conor is good people then.

It hit me this morning how acknowledging the existence of a source, the original source of everything, gives you power.

I call it God.

Some call it Energy.

Some call it the Universe.

It’s All this and so much more.

That continued acknowledgment of this All and how you are a physical extension of the non-physical, which is bigger than you.

Since it exists in everything that exists.

Sometimes we carry these “crosses” on our shoulders, believing we are in this alone.

In this “adulting” thing or period of challenge or discomfort alone.

This misconception makes this life experience we are having a tough experience, for some.

But I’m sure you don’t fall in that category.

The unlimited strength that comes from praising and being in a state of genuine gratitude of God, reignites your enthusiasm.

hqdefaultThe flavor of life becomes lost if all you do is just ploughing along, day in and day out, “zombifies” you.

You become linear.

The undead.

Because you “have” to do it and not because you love to do it.

You need to wake up for the love and not for the obligation.

Things are done half-heartedly when you have to do them, but people go above and beyond when people do what they love.

It’s a fire and brimstone journey going for what you love.

You need to keep going though.

You need to go through it.

The ridicule.

The humiliation.

The stoning.

The process.

For you to be born anew.

Something your old self needs to die for.

Like that other guy did on the cross?god

He did it.

Died for what he believed in.

A life of purpose.

I think we need of that in our lives.

A life of purpose, as opposed to a life of routine.

Purpose is life.

Routine is death.

~ Musa

PS: Compliments of the New Season

Eyes Tell No Lies…Until They Do…

IMG-20191214-WA0020I sent a buddy of mine, a graduate mind you (because I hang around professionals), a recent photo of myself at office.

The air-con was on so I needed to put on my “Eskimo jacket.”

I looked so tired in it.

Well, my eyes looked tired.

My eyes used to radiate excitement and fun and joy and laughter, passion even.

I see those eyes in my older pics.

That fire in my eyes has slowly dimmed.

My supervisor in the short-term insurance telemarketing job I had in Randburg, mentioned how I smiled with my eyes.

I think my eyes I tired of telling lines, and are just reflecting what I feel in my heart.

Sadness.

What’s making you sad?”

I don’t know.

Or maybe I do and I just don’t want to admit it.

Admitting it will free me from this sadness that now feels so warm.

Pain addict.

A colleague said that’s a toxic way of living.

I’ll be way from work for the next 6 days, I hope that I will find ways of getting my shit in order.

Or I should maybe consult with one of these professionals I’ve been bragging about.

I’ve been reading Breaking the Habit of Being YourselfHow to Love Your Mind and Create a New One by Dr. Joe Dipenza.

This book is striking almost every nerve I have in relation to my current head space. It’s a difficult read because I need the information that’s coming across from it.

Maybe once I’m done, my eyes won’t look as tired as my heart is.

~ Musa

The Struggle to Success

Sometimes you have to be knocked down to get ahead in life.

Because of the person you need to become once you get up.

But some just stay knocked down.

Life will knock you TF down, that’s inevitable.

But it’s imperative that you find a way to get up.

That is the price you have to pay for what you want.

Things don’t just come to you, on the regular, without you playing your part.

You got to have your teeth knocked in.

You got to get that gut check.

You want to succeed?

That’s the gauntlet you have to go through.

You get knocked down so that you can dust yourself off and rise.

It’s in your rising that you will find your salvation.

Get the F up!

Become alive.

Your soul yearns for that taste of being alive.

Life is working in your favour, believe it or not.

You might be having your dips in life, but you have more peaks than dips.

Your focus is on how s*** life is.

The important part is to remember that you are going through the dips.

Don’t camp there.

Keep going.

Crawl if you have to.

You have to go through the furnace to become the person you need to be.

Lift your head up so that your line of vision will allow you to see opportunities to get you ahead in life.

Not the obstacles you keep looking for on the ground.

Only then will you be within eye view of the things that you want.

Life is conspiring for you and not against you.

Life is outside your comfort zone, so in order for you to succeed, shit needs to be uncomfortable.

Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.

If you having it easy in life, then you’re not progressing towards success, but away from it.

It’s a process.

Like, how bad do you want it?

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~ Musa

The BS Story You Keep Telling Yourself…

I just realized something, I’m 35 and I don’t have a pension fund.

This was a result of me jumping from one company to another.

Yes, it’s my fault.

Leaving permanent, 4 year government job I had in favor of fulltime stock trading, was a very risky move.

That stunt came back to bite me in the ass, when that venture failed.

Mainly because I did not initially find someone who was already succeeding in what I wanted to do.

And modelling their success habits that will allow me to be as successful.

Mentorship, would have this most very lucrative for me.

I had to go to corporate world with zero pension fund, bouncing from one pension fund-less job to another.

This was due to the kind of temporary jobs I’ve been getting.

Temps jobs don’t come pension benefits.

Now because I’ve been relying on a company to determine my future financial security, I’m left caught with my dick in my hand.

I’ve been relying on other people to provide a level of security that they themselves aren’t aware of.

There’s no power there.

That part of my life has been titled as one of my greatest failure.

But I’ve now found that it’s one of my greatest successes.

Because of the lessons it has taught me.

More of a warning.

That you are leaving yourself too exposed if you success depends on someone else’s decision.

Your chances of success will tilt in your favour when you take 100% ownership of your level of success in your life.81x2aSRQqGL

Saying that anyone or any institution is the reason behind why you’re not getting ahead in life, is a bullshit story you keep telling yourself.

So much so that you believe it.

And because of your belief, this has become your reality.

Just because things are dire for now, does not mean I’m f***ed for life.

Especially when books by Anthony Robbins paint a different picture of my possible future.

~ Musa

Turbulence

Nkulunkulu wami, why is it that lapho engithi ngibamba khona, kuvese kunga bambeki?

Or are you teaching me not to be comfortable.

Because being comfortable means angiyi phambili nge lewe?

Ngiyazama,

Mdala,

Mara uma ngithi ngibheka phambili, kule ndlela engi vaya kuyo, kumnyama.

Ngathi ugesi awukho le voor.

Ende ngiqonde khona daar.

Kuya khuphukela.

Ngibheka ema sayi dini, ngibona kuzi bedela wees.

Angiboni ngathi kuzo phela.

Bengizo fasa ihand brake nou ngi jinde le lewe iqubeke phambili.

16.

Hai wou ngi grend.

Mara ngivaya ne ncosi.

Akuna wou niks.

Kwamele ngishaye ngathi ngiya themba kuthi sizo fika lapho, engi fisela kuthi sizo fikela khona.

Ngoba, bona, mina ke Sehoja

LeRussia

Kubu Kubu entsa marota re o bone.

Tsoela.

Ama Die Hard.

Never Die.

Rabobi.

~ Musa

The Relapse

When I get obsessed with something or someone, I get really obsessed.

My grip becomes relentless.

I’m a hoarder.

When something feels good or fulfils something that I need, I hold on to it and I don’t let go.

This sometimes comes back to bite me in the ass.

Like a 5 year long job I held on to even though I could get a better paying job with improved working conditions elsewhere.

Or when someone distances themselves from me, I choose to completely ignore the tells and find a way to still stay “close” to them.

Some people are just to kind to blow me off.

I’m an emotional person.

I’m a very sensual person.

So knowing these facts about myself I tend to avoid human beings, because once I open up to someone, it very hard for me to let go of them.

So I walk around with a scowl on my face.

I’m very unapproachable.

I have my defensives up, because I’m so gullible.

I’m empathetic.

I then want to find things that would make you happy, so that I can also ride that high that comes from your happiness.

This makes me want to make you happy even more.

It becomes like a drug.

I have a very negative outlook in life generally, so finding “fountains” of happiness is like treasure hunting for me.

And when I do, I hoard it.

I’m over-sensitive.

When someone I love breaks away from me or their level of reciprocal love diminishes, I feel like the whole world is ending.

Just like how mom separated from my dad during my teens.

It turns out dad divorced my mom and not the other way around.

I used to blame her for the longest of time for that.

I believe that’s why I stayed for so long with a company that did not value me.

Because “breaking up” with it would trigger an emotion linked to a devastating memory.

I’m a masochist.

My pain-threshold is high, so even when I’m being rejected, I find ways to ignore and muscle on the delusion of being wanted (this is because, to me pain is pleasure).

When in truth my services are no longer required.

I taught my brain to associate pain with pleasure.

It’s like having sex, but with my brain.

A mindfuck.

Which sometimes leads me to making rash decisions that end up with me meeting up wonderful people.

The MacGyvers of this world.

The Steven Siegals.

The Chuck Norrises.

The Terminators.

The Never Dies.

Bo James Bond…who I end up falling in love with, because I have a weak restraint when it comes to managing my emotions.

I’m impulsive.

I’m Musawenkosi Tshoaele.

~ Musa