You Want My Relationship Advice?

Let me start off by saying that relationships are funny.

Not funny “haha” but funny “ya neh.”

You’ll never get it right, all the time, 100% of the time.

I’m just thankful for the educational program I was on, with books and CDS on what relationships work.

Especially introducing me to books like Personality Plus and The 5 Love Languages, in that order preferably.eysenck

The way I was effing things up in my relationship with Thube, I’m not sure why she stuck with me for so long.

But those books helped me understand her and her, me.

Maybe the one thing we had going for us was that we both wanted us to work.

Even though I was sabotaging the relationship from the fear of losing someone who made me feel so good.

Let me explain:

Growing up, I taught myself not to be attached to events or things that made me feel good.

Because there was no guarantee that I was going to get them again.

Sometimes the parents had to work their butts off so my sister and I can have a taste of the good life.

So when good came in our household – in whatever form – I registered them as temporary.

I should expect a retake for a while, if ever.

Because I’m a clingy and sensitive SOB.

So enter Thube.

The name of that chapter in my life would be “The Psychologist.”

She flirted herself into a now 13 year relationship with me, that one.2013-03-01_1244_thumb-590x400

It’s only in the past year or so that I’m STARTING to understand what makes her tick.

My love for knowledge and how things work makes this an infinite game.

I love games.

So I always try to improve where I can.

And that’s why I speak so highly about those books.

They definitely helped me understand myself better.

It helped me understand her better.

But I had to be open and be vulnerable first.

Something society sees as “unmanly.”

And as a chauvinist, humbling myself and practicing mutual respect is still a work in progress for me.

~ Musa

What Is Love…?

Banner_Backgrounds_questionsMen don’t like talking about their feelings.

Let me not generalize.

I don’t like talking about my feelings.

This pisses Thube off.

Instead of me articualting, with my mouth & voice like a normal person, that Thube on this particular daym the comment you made really upset me.

It stung even more when you kept bringing it up during the course of the day.

Making as if I out to make life difficult for you, which is the last thing I want.

But no.

Musa keeps quiet and walks around moody, being sarcastic and rude to my person.

This is because I associate talking about my feelings as a sign of weakness.

And I don’t want to be seen as weak man in the eyes of my woman.

So I don’t talk about it.

That’s very clever of me.

This obviously drops number of times we have sex because I’m mad at her and she’s not going to reward me with sex for shitty attitude I’ve been giving her.

Ending up with me considering getting it somewhere else, because I am not getting it at home…and it’s her fault…

…Very childish thinking this.

All the while, girl has no clue why I’m being so spiteful during our interactions.

And where do I expect her to quench her sexual needs when I’m being such a dick.

(See what I did there?)

This “weakness” kills relationships.

Well, it’s one of the things that kills relationships…then there’s money…but I digress.

I came to the realization of this story I’ve been telling myself while watching Tony Robbins “I Am Not Your Guru,” on the Netflix that I’ve been trying out with the night time data deals Homecloud is offering.

It gets tiring for Thube, hounding me to voice it out what’s eating at me.

The thought of her one day not coming to me, to “hound me” as I put, to only allow the rift between us grow into having us going our separate paths, shook me up.

Am I willing to have a bitch fit that leads me to losing the mother of my firstborn?

The love of my life.

My best friend.

My wife.

I decided to then drop the story I was telling myself about what my definition of being weak means.

To save my relationship.

By beginning to see communication as an essential element of what makes us a power couple. 51rV-3xwEJL._SX321_BO1,204,203,200_

The more we communicate, the stronger our bond, the more we can fill up each others love tank by communicating better with each others love languages.

The more the sex.

Communication is key.

It’s a difference between having a relationship & having a business transaction.

Because love is communication.

Musa