It’s a Saturday, time to unplug and I need to blog.
Well, it was a Saturday when I wrote the 1st draft.
I hope I eventually did through one up before this one.
Shoot, I’m not sure.
I’ve been busy brooding over being abandoned that I haven’t been noticing much of life.
And what’s important.
Like you, reading this blog. You are important to me.
“We do not exist for ourselves …” – Thomas Merton
Not too sure what that quote means exactly but my guess is that you find your purpose when you look outside of yourself.
The meaning of life or whatever.
I think a lot, I like really overthink stuff and I end up too focused on myself and end up listening to my negative self-talk over and over again like a broken record.
So my game-plan to counter that was to shift my thinking to a positive mindset, so that I can at least see the glass as half full.
Joking around with my mates about how hard life is didn’t help with improving much either.
Life is only as hard as we make it…
Which is so much bullshit, because life is just plain hard.
It’s just a matter of finding a way around it, or a work around so that you don’t find yourself being beat all the time.
“When life knocks you down, land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. – Les Brown”
My self-medication, well my constructive one anyways, includes blogging about stuff I really want to believe.
Shit that doesn’t have me wanting to drown my sorrows all the time as an antidepressant or craving for sex so I can jump start my dopamine fix.
Finding a corner to curl up in the fetal position so I can cry my worries away has not done much to improve my life either.
I think I’m just angry and I’m projecting instead of seeking counselling.
Sense 8 was right when they said violence has a gender.
Even if in my case it’s internalized.
Musa the masochist.
The pain is pleasure, pleasure is pain cycle I trap myself in.
A cycle I call my life.
A cycle I manage to break free from by writing blogs like these.
Because you save my life, you see…
…and I love you for that.
Because I’m an emotional Cancerian that likes to hoard nice things.
Please forgive me.
I love you.