Celebrate Your “Little Wins”

I’ve been having subtle wins this year, and I haven’t been sharing them on my blog.

I’m sorry about that.

The diagnosis for my daughter has been taking most of my energy.

I’m not the first or the last to have given birth to a child with special needs. This whole experience has changed my perspective about people with disorders.

It made me appreciate those who care for them even more. It was more of the mental work I was going through, more than anything else, that has me reeling.

I shared with a friend how I have mixed emotions about where I am right now, in my life.

Feelings of shame, regret, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, anger, blame, joy, happiness, pride, excitement, significance, responsibility, humility.

But the very first of the emotions I felt when I got the news was denial.

“She’s just a child.”

“She’ll eventually start speaking soon. Maybe when she turns 4.”

“Children are supposed to be hyper active, they are young.”

But getting a diagnosis from a speech therapist, as well as an occupational therapist, as well as a neuro-paediatrician, all coming to the same autistic conclusion, can’t be disputed.

My ignorance of this disorder, the fear of this unknown, a fear I couldn’t run from, led me to fighting it. This prolonged the therapy necessary to better manage the condition, unnecessarily.

Did you know that there is an autism spectrum?

Where they decide how severe the autism is?

What is autism?

The brochure I got from the counselling we got from, Gloria, the lady that runs Autism South Africa says:

“An Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a lifelong condition that affects the way a person communicated and relates to people around them.

People with an ASD have difficulty on relating to others in a meaningful way.

Their ability to develop friendships is generally limited as is their capacity to understand other people’s emotional expression.

Some people, but not all, have accompanying learning disabilities.

All people with an ASD have impairments in social interaction, social communication and imagination.…”

It’s like learning a new language this thing.

How I relate to her to how I thought I would relate to her, to how I should.

She’s a toddler, sommer needs to add that to the mix as well.

So the majority of my year has been finding coping mechanisms.

Some healthy, most…not so healthy.

But the bottom line is how all my energies were focused in that area of my life, and this led to me neglecting this blog.

Bringing me back to this update.

I’ve been rewriting my goals down almost every day.

(It should be every day I know, but I’m working on it.)

So, with me silently working on attracting these things on my goal list, however improbable, I have managed to achieve some of them.

I was just testing a theory that Napoleon Hill’s Law of Success: The 21st-Century Edition documented.

I wanted my fiancé’s car to be settled. We had another year to go until that was going to happen.

I hate waiting, and the persistent calls she was getting from the bank asking her to make payment for it was draining both our energies.

Guess what, after about 4 months of me writing this as one of my goals, unbeknownst to her, she managed to attract the funds to have the car settled last month!

What are the chances that something I was writing about achieving, without her knowing, could really come true just like that!!

Another of my “little wins” was how I managed to get my phone back from the repair guy.

The iPad my daughter shattered was also repaired.

We were gifted 2 Nutrilite Omega 3 packs, which I also had on my list. I actually had one, but the universe – through Dr York Liu, gave us 2.

I needed a new Hymm Shaving Razor. Which we got as well.

Small things that I’ve been writing about, without anyone knowing, are coming into my life.

Through various and interesting ways. Wins that need to be celebrated, especially how the car got settled.

That is brilliance at its best.

But more importantly, it’s the way that these goals have been attracted that gives me hope and hopefully, courage to ask for bigger goals.

You should give it a go.

~ Musa

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You Could Have It Worse

downloadHad a shit day at work yesterday.

Came back home having successfully gathered, in my mind, other BS past events to feel shit about.

But instead of hiding my mini depression behind alcohol or sex, I decided to pray about it.

Having all that stuff compound inside you, in the form of thoughts, will fester and eat you up inside.

Venting in the form of prayer, for me anyway, helps.

So I went to bed, sat up and took my sleeping Sethu in my arms and began to pray.

As if using her as my telephone line to God.

Mentioning how that very baby girl has the flue and needs to get better soon.

How taking her to speech therapy is emotionally taxing and how I need to be strong for her during these effortless sessions – the little one has the time of her life during these sessions.

I also prayed on how I need to speak to this surprisingly ignorant daycare teacher labeling my genius baby as a slow learner, even though the child development specialist evaluated that she’s only delayed in speech for her age.

Please-climb-that-tree1Actually f*** the specialist, I see that my baby is on point, even though the stupid twat doesn’t.

I prayed over the shit job situation, and their stupid ass meetings that borderline exit interviews.

Prayed about me having to raise 6 times my monthly salary in a space of 12 months as an offering to officially marry the mother of my child.

Me having to move my family to a new rental space. This being our 9th move to date.

The car needing services & repairs.

Me, the first born, feeling compelled to take care of my mom who sold her house.

God knows why.

I say God knows because after the house got sold and she had to go rent for a couple of months, she moved to another church.

The previous church is rumored as a church that uses people’s beliefs to church’s benefit…then again isn’t that the case with most churches?

God works in mysterious ways.

Mom now stays with relatives, who I feel are side eyeing me on why I haven’t stepped up to the plate and took ownership of her situation.

Hell, I’m barely holding things together with my family, let alone including umama into the equation.

Thinking that having the mother of my child going back to live her parents house would save us some money and open up some cashflow options, only to have her own mother kick her out.

Mamazala, your future son in law is working on solutions here but you’re a not getting with the program.

With resumes being updated and submitted for new job apps among all of this. Anxiety levels stretching since I’m going out of my comfort zone and whoring myself out to the marketplace yet again.

Then I heard are only distributor of energy in South Africa was over R400 billion in debt.

So maybe I don’t have it all that bad see?

~ Musa

Just Peachy….

I was on Facebook with it’s FB memories reminders.

That seems to be the only thing I update on Facebook, come to think of it.

Meaning next year I will be reminded about the memories FB reminded me of today.

Nothing new under the sun.

Went emo couple of days back with the blog I published.

That day sucked, but I’ve had worse.

The morning sex usually helps with improving my mood.

But my partner in crime was not available for the joint venture so I turned to food. I was out of beer.

Self gratification gives me minimal pleasure. Not as satisfying as the excitement I get in conquering the female body into orgasm…I digress.

So I took baby girl to daycare in the morning.

Did the dishes.

Took a nap.

Bathed and headed for work.

I took the time I spent offline focusing on what’s going right, even though the world is on fire around me.

Reminds me of that hell scene when John Constantine went for a quick peek in that Constantine movie.

Things could be better, yes, but bitching about them won’t change them much.

Sometimes the discomfort you are experiencing now is nudging you forward, not backward.

Busy praying for deliverance from your current unhappiness but you’re not happy with the process it takes for your prayer to be answered.

S*** will always hit the fan. Even more so when change is coming.

Think it’s a matter of riding it out. But to always keep your eyes on the price.

That’s why goals are important.

Without them, what’s the point of living?

~ Musa

“Dead Or Alive, You Are Coming With Me.”

loopable-ekg-line-ekg-monitor-ekg-machine-heart-health-blue-ecg-monitor-shows-healthy-heart-beat-seamless-loop_sfw_cr5e__F0002

Been having a lot of pent up anger of late.

It compounds.

Lack of sleep.

Haven’t been reading a good book for almost a week now.

Missing out on my daily meditations.

Haven’t been rewriting my goals.

Not been listening to motivational audios.

Skipping motivational & educational videos.

It’s been months since I’ve been visualizing my success.

I haven’t been exercising as much as I did.

Been poorly taking my vitamins and supplements.

All things happening daily, gradually, to a point where I feel exhausted physically and mentally.

Dropping my emotional intelligence.

I’m in the business of where losing your cool would cost you your job.

That love and hate relationship of being concerned of losing the job you hate.

Where now I incorrectly blame others for my lack of self mastery.

You attract what you are.

Happiness is an inside job.

Won’t happen overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.

The rest is just consistency on your part.

Change begins when you take 100% responsibility of what’s happening around you.

To you.

Through you.

~ Musa

You Fear the Sabre-tooth

6753809I read somewhere that the brain is wired since the stone age to think negatively so to protect us from the dangers that existed then.

Sabre-tooth as an example.

These days this negative thinking works overtime, stopping us from getting ahead in life.

Because we fear trying something new.

Fear of the Sabre-tooth.

This happens without us even realizing.

Without reading, preferably instructional books, then nothing will contradict that thinking.

You could even try swapping listening to the car radio station or your phone playlist for an audiobook.

The hours you spent while traveling, could be spent sharpening your mind against the Sabre-tooth.

Marvel_avengers_alliance_sabretooth_by_ratatrampa87-d6tj8tgThe benefits of investing in yourself will eventually be seen via your outlook in your life.

Maybe that’s what you need.

Maybe that’s what need.

A different outlook.

That comes from developing a habit of reading or listening daily to go sh*t.

~ Musa

A Business Like No Other…

new-mlm-companiesI think network marketing levels the playing field.

I could be wrong, it’s just my observation.

From my limited observation, businesses are handed over from generation to generation.

The only legacy I’ve seen being left the masses is poverty.

Some families are brought up with the option of aspiring to be business owner, while other families are sold the idea of becoming employees or self employed.

Asking the government to fix this in the form of land distribution, for instance, is as effective as the removal of our now current President from office.

But network marketing nullifies this dependent mindset.

The right one also offers you training and mentorship on how to succeed by also developing a business owner mindset.

But the best ones allow for your network marketing business to be passed on from generation to generation, just like these families I spoke of earlier.

With the right training to develop your skills, I believe anyone can succeed in what they put their minds to.

Multi level marketing included.

One of the hiccups I have with conventional business is the start up capital, amongst other uncertainties.

But obviously if you are committed enough and want it badly enough then you can find solutions around that.

I guess one chooses ones battles.

With me preferring minimum start up capital.

Minimal operational costs.

No overhead.picture2

With some part time but consistent work ethic, the results are predictable.

Results that can supplement my current salary.

Results that can be on par with my current salary.

Results that can eclipse my current salary.

A business like no other.

Look as a disclaimer, anything legit that allows you to make extra income is great.

Be it MLMs or another job or part time gig or strip joints.

I’m just talking about what I’m exposed to.

Do you due dilengece.

This working you way up to your salary month end only to start at zero the following month, is insane.

But most of us are doing it so it’s ok right?

I don’t think so.

~ Musa

Buying Your Way to Heaven…

51NXzS5PJxL…Is the most selfish thing you can do.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

I love Neale D. Walsch’s take on heaven.

How it’s not a place good people go to when they die but a place good people go to when they are still alive.

Good people are good because of their actions.

The good they do boomerangs back to them in the form of good things happening to them.

Those happenings are what refers to as heaven.

So heaven from what he wrote in his book is more of an experience more than it is a destination.

I love that.

Heaven on earth.

Through your thoughts and your words and your actions, you create your own hell or heaven on earth.

So buying yourself to heaven by doing good pays off.

Because what comes around, goes around.

~ Musa