I See You.

I’m pissed off.3833921-7044494301-19707

I’m hurt.

I haven’t been writing much because I haven’t been having the best 6 months so far.

Yes, it’s only month 4 of the new year.

I still had baggage been carried from last year. So the updates I’ve been writing felt forced.

I’m not the only one having it rough, reading what Thandeka wrote is proof of that.

My saving grace has been going back to reading the Bible app I keep deleting and reinstalling on my phone.

I think when you are too much in your head, you end up thinking you’re the only one having it tough.

So I’ve been on the move.

Literally moving from a bigger space to a smaller.

Taking long walks when I’m home.

Leaving an energy sucking job of 5 years for sales gig…I now see why getting a sales job was so easy…they always hiring because people quit.

It’s scary thought, slowly down.

Standing still.

To think.

To pause and listen.

I think I’ll break down.

Maybe that’s what I need.

Not sure if I’ll ever stop if I start…

…I’m not church person.

I went because whenever I went to visit my cousin’s, and they went.

Silently wishing that on that particular Sunday something needed to happen, to prevent us from going.

God found a way to scroll past that prayer though.

Because God has Facebook.

I did it for others, going to church. I was not internally drown to it.

The choir events, when church choirs from other churches come together to sign church songs, were dope.

Everything else lacked integrity.

The only organisation I experienced which had integrity of the highest level was Network 21.

Anywhere else was just filled with hypocrisy.

The Bible has been edited too many times for it to be taken as gospel.

It’s guidance.

Making sure you are on the right path.

Your north star.

But some church brothers and sister, even in other church, see it as gospel.

I don’t believe in church.

I don’t think I ever did.

I believe in God though.

The God of my understanding.

The one Phetheni still has a copy of…yes mama ngi sase lapho.

So I have been reading through the verses and highlighting passages that I want to contest or interpret better or relate better to.

Finding what I can apply that day, since I started a morning routine of reading a chapter in the morning.

Tom Bilyeu recommended I have a routine, and he’s the truth.

I feel better now.

Thank you.

~ Musa

 

 

 

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Just Peachy….

I was on Facebook with it’s FB memories reminders.

That seems to be the only thing I update on Facebook, come to think of it.

Meaning next year I will be reminded about the memories FB reminded me of today.

Nothing new under the sun.

Went emo couple of days back with the blog I published.

That day sucked, but I’ve had worse.

The morning sex usually helps with improving my mood.

But my partner in crime was not available for the joint venture so I turned to food. I was out of beer.

Self gratification gives me minimal pleasure. Not as satisfying as the excitement I get in conquering the female body into orgasm…I digress.

So I took baby girl to daycare in the morning.

Did the dishes.

Took a nap.

Bathed and headed for work.

I took the time I spent offline focusing on what’s going right, even though the world is on fire around me.

Reminds me of that hell scene when John Constantine went for a quick peek in that Constantine movie.

Things could be better, yes, but bitching about them won’t change them much.

Sometimes the discomfort you are experiencing now is nudging you forward, not backward.

Busy praying for deliverance from your current unhappiness but you’re not happy with the process it takes for your prayer to be answered.

S*** will always hit the fan. Even more so when change is coming.

Think it’s a matter of riding it out. But to always keep your eyes on the price.

That’s why goals are important.

Without them, what’s the point of living?

~ Musa

Replace Your S** t Habits With Good Ones

I kept on seeing and hearing the name Simon Sinek being projected in my head.

Simon Sinek.

As if stuck in the frontal lobe of my brain.

Simon Sinek.

All this, haunting, while trying to sleep.

So here I am, writing about him.

I don’t know much about him.

He was first brought to my attention by a business partner who has a background in medicine.

Google Sinek.

From the little I know of him is that he’s a speaker.

He speaks about most about leadership. On what defines a leader and what drives her. Reasons why they are true leaders. Amongst other things.

He’s available on different social media sites, I also follow him on Twitter and IG.

He’s an author as well, he wrote Start With Why.

And there are lots of videos on the ‘Tube that have he’s talks.

I think there’s a vid of one of his talks I posted in one of my blogs that I thought was awesome.

There’s a bias that comes with being a leader that I want to take advantage of.

The monetary benefits of being paid to solve problems being one of them.

It’s as if followers create problems while leaders get paid to solve them.

So I’ve been listening to some of his audios as well. Him, John Maxwell and Gary Vaynerchuk are the 3 guys I’ve been filling my head with of late.

And Eric Thomas. #TGIM

I guess I can be obsessed with certain things in my life, such as my personal development.

If I don’t invest the time for it, noone else will.

Then I will just be like the rest of them, blaming my job or spouse or community or the government or the gods for my current, undesirable situations.

Not realising that the true problem here is me.

I fix me, all else gets fixed.

It’s an inside job.

~ Musa

“Death Be Not Proud”

Having a job is such a fleeting thing because you don’t control over that shit.

Making sure you don’t step on people’s toes, keeping your head down for fear of being sacked.

That’s not making a living.

That’s making a dying.

~ Musa

Winnie Madikizela-Mandela (1936-2018)

95308433f3394a58b30d64e0c82c99aeIt’s a sad day today with us laying to rest Winnie Madikizela-Mandela.

It was a huge funeral procession, which almost worthy to the individual.

Someone praised so much in death but wasn’t a celebrated in life.

But such is the way of the world.

One could go as far as saying that she kept former president Nelson’s name alive during his 27 year incarceration.

Keeping him relevant, inspiring artist’s like the late Brenda Fassie to sing songs about him.

At time that when the streets where on fire.

Literally.

The aftermath being relived in the minds of our parents and grandparents.

Influencing how we are raised.

In this “democratic” Republic.

May her soul rest in peace.

My Leader.

The Fixer

B33rFzqCYAIREuFSometimes when the road ahead looks very dark, anxiety levels go up.

That’s when I come to you God to help shed some light.

But if the road I’m taking vele has no street lights then I’m relieved knowing that you are by my side.

I’m taking this knee with this post because I’m also in dire need so my ancestors need to be also involved in this prayer.

Because without them I would be here, and without You they wouldn’t have been.

I light my candles and incense with this update in gratitude of what I already have.

Thank you for our business.

Thank you for our jobs.

Thank you for the shelter you are providing us.

Thank you for the water and lights that we sometimes take for granted.

Thank you for the food we eat.

Our perfect health and the rich relationships we have.

Thank you for the clothes on our backs.

And the large amounts of income that come to us through various sources, with increasing frequency.

All praise goes to you God.

I am bound to make flops along the way.

I just want to thank you for softening the falls.

Thank you for giving me the courage to fail forward.

Because there is no learning without falling. And I need to learn so I can grow to be my better self.

Continue guiding us through to our better self.

Yours in gratitude,

Amen

Stop Giving Your Power Away…

Execution_by_Kiss…expecting other people to make you happy…

…Thing is I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel valued at work.

But feel like if that’s the basis of you define how good your company is, it should be a testament of your character.

You are one of those who have an entitlement mentality.

Expecting other people to make you happy.

And if they don’t, you throw your toys out the cot.

Ranting about how unfair life is, and not taking 100% responsibility of your life.

Everybody else must change before you can change kinda deal.

And that keeps on the back foot.

Because you are waiting for something you don’t totally have control over to change before you are happy.
But if you get your shit in order, making sure that you come first and not depending on others to validate you, I think that gives you power.

More control.

You gotta take care of you first, because should you lose your job, the job you identify and associate your worthy by, what then?

Depression?

Suicide?

Guard against that shit is all I’m saying.

Know your worth.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

~ Musa