After 2-3 weeks of submitting a minimum of 10 resumes a day, I finally got a job. My fiance’s family fed me during the holidays hustle.
A very humbling experience since I am a prideful man.
I don’t like getting handouts because in my life I’ve come to find that most handouts come with an IOU tag.
I don’t want to be indebted to anyone.
So being in the position I was in, made me grind harder.
I think I sent out those CVs and with me going to interviews between.
Some interviews where scams, some promising. But I kept submitting them promising or not.
Most people start slowling where nearing the finish line.
I slow down once I cross it.
Hell, I even turned to reading the bible.
You know shit’s hit the fan when I pick up “the book.”
It kept me going. That and seeing the unbothered smile on my daughter’s face.
She hit the side of her eye, that one, playing in the playgrounds at cresche.
Had to get stitched. Busy walking around with an eye the size of a golf ball. To put it mildly, she was not impressed seeing the world with one eye.
But I’m glad I was there to assist with the healing process.
But it was her mom that kept me above water mainly. There’s no one I appreciated more, beyond words even, than her, during this period.
I felt stripped of my title as a provider.
As a man, if I cannot provide for my family, what am I?
Feeling lost, going to bed with a broken heart. I was without purpose and I felt depressed.
The need to feel needed by corporate was overwhelming. Which felt like a contradiction because I promote the idea of owning your own business.
A purposeless, non providing, hypocrite of the a man.
And I knew if I start hating myself then there won’t be any improvement in my life.
So I kept my black ass working to keep from thinking negative thoughts.
Because my thinking was shit.
It worked, at face level.
But for lasting results, I need that deep kinda loving.
That only I can provide from the inside out.
The grind paid off.
Now employed on a probationary basis.
Work ethic + being intentional + the law of averages working in my favour produced results.
With prayer and work ethic, something’s got to give.
And it did.
PS. This was a delayed post. My baby girl is all healed up now. Mischievous as hell. I wouldn’t want it any other way.