I Dare You To Instagram The Bad Days Too…

It’s not about changing circumstances to solve the problem.

The problem is not as clear cut as changing jobs or adding other income sources.

It’s more of getting my next dopamine hit.

I’m unhinged.

My highs are not as high as before.

My dips are getting deeper.

The need in the form of using sex and alcohol as a drug is getting stronger.

Unless I find an alternative.

These are just manifestations of an underlining issue I’m avoding.

A constant, prolonging pain that is foreign to the body but has made itself at home.

With my consent?

Maybe subconsciously.

Anything that would free me of its existence, through antidepressants or dopamine stimulation is openly accepted.

The need for pleasure driving me away from pain.

Making me a master at attracting that anything and everything that will bring me pleasure.

In unhealthy ways…

Now with all this self-analysis and still not doing shit about it, makes all this a useless exercise.

But this is life, you need to own the bad days as much as you Instagram the good ones.

~ Musa

It’s A Phase Until It Becomes Intentional

The falling in love phase is so exciting.

Thrilling.

Passionate.

The longing to meet each other.

Most lovers base their decision to marry while in that phase.

A phase that will end.

And right then, when the euphoria of falling in love has dissipated and when love is not as automatic.

When your love for one another must be intentional, that’s when the rubber meets the road.

You need to work.

Work is love.

Love is work.

Now you have to be conscious of what your partner really likes, what really fills her love tank.

And you have to start speaking their love language.

Failure to do so, will result in resentment, that compounds until what your version of “happily ever after” becomes but a dream.

Leading to breaks ups.

Reminds me of this great guy who was madly in love with this cool girl.

Going out for dates, presents where bought, vacations (baecations) were taken.

An absolutely fabulous relationship.

Or so I thought.

The moment this great guy lost his job and his car, cool girl broke up with him.

Even though they were engaged.

She wasn’t going to receive the kind of love she’s grown used to, so she dropped him.

Because great guy was now trash, you see?

Great guy managed to pick himself up, financially as well.

Cool girl now wants great guy back.

Because he is now capable of loving her in her love language now.

Love is not only a feeling, but the conscious willingness to feel each other’s love tank.

It’s intentional.

You fuck that up and you’re fucked.

That is why you find people going from one relationship to another, high from the falling in love phase.

Once the high leaves their veins they jump to another relationship and on to the next trip.

~ Musa