Nothing Beats The Grind

After 2-3 weeks of submitting a minimum of 10 resumes a day, I finally got a job. My fiance’s family fed me during the holidays hustle.

A very humbling experience since I am a prideful man.

I don’t like getting handouts because in my life I’ve come to find that most handouts come with an IOU tag.

I don’t want to be indebted to anyone.

So being in the position I was in, made me grind harder.

I think I sent out those CVs and with me going to interviews between.

Some interviews where scams, some promising. But I kept submitting them promising or not.

Most people start slowling where nearing the finish line.

I slow down once I cross it.

Hell, I even turned to reading the bible.

You know shit’s hit the fan when I pick up “the book.”

It kept me going. That and seeing the unbothered smile on my daughter’s face.

She hit the side of her eye, that one, playing in the playgrounds at cresche.

Had to get stitched. Busy walking around with an eye the size of a golf ball. To put it mildly, she was not impressed seeing the world with one eye.

But I’m glad I was there to assist with the healing process.

But it was her mom that kept me above water mainly. There’s no one I appreciated more, beyond words even, than her, during this period.

I felt stripped of my title as a provider.

As a man, if I cannot provide for my family, what am I?

Feeling lost, going to bed with a broken heart. I was without purpose and I felt depressed.

The need to feel needed by corporate was overwhelming. Which felt like a contradiction because I promote the idea of owning your own business.

A purposeless, non providing, hypocrite of the a man.

And I knew if I start hating myself then there won’t be any improvement in my life.

So I kept my black ass working to keep from thinking negative thoughts.

Because my thinking was shit.

It worked, at face level.

But for lasting results, I need that deep kinda loving.

That only I can provide from the inside out.

The grind paid off.

Now employed on a probationary basis.

Work ethic + being intentional + the law of averages working in my favour produced results.

With prayer and work ethic, something’s got to give.

And it did.

As expected.

~ Musa

PS. This was a delayed post. My baby girl is all healed up now. Mischievous as hell. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

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Celebrate Your “Little Wins”

I’ve been having subtle wins this year, and I haven’t been sharing them on my blog.

I’m sorry about that.

The diagnosis for my daughter has been taking most of my energy.

I’m not the first or the last to have given birth to a child with special needs. This whole experience has changed my perspective about people with disorders.

It made me appreciate those who care for them even more. It was more of the mental work I was going through, more than anything else, that has me reeling.

I shared with a friend how I have mixed emotions about where I am right now, in my life.

Feelings of shame, regret, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, anger, blame, joy, happiness, pride, excitement, significance, responsibility, humility.

But the very first of the emotions I felt when I got the news was denial.

“She’s just a child.”

“She’ll eventually start speaking soon. Maybe when she turns 4.”

“Children are supposed to be hyper active, they are young.”

But getting a diagnosis from a speech therapist, as well as an occupational therapist, as well as a neuro-paediatrician, all coming to the same autistic conclusion, can’t be disputed.

My ignorance of this disorder, the fear of this unknown, a fear I couldn’t run from, led me to fighting it. This prolonged the therapy necessary to better manage the condition, unnecessarily.

Did you know that there is an autism spectrum?

Where they decide how severe the autism is?

What is autism?

The brochure I got from the counselling we got from, Gloria, the lady that runs Autism South Africa says:

“An Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a lifelong condition that affects the way a person communicated and relates to people around them.

People with an ASD have difficulty on relating to others in a meaningful way.

Their ability to develop friendships is generally limited as is their capacity to understand other people’s emotional expression.

Some people, but not all, have accompanying learning disabilities.

All people with an ASD have impairments in social interaction, social communication and imagination.…”

It’s like learning a new language this thing.

How I relate to her to how I thought I would relate to her, to how I should.

She’s a toddler, sommer needs to add that to the mix as well.

So the majority of my year has been finding coping mechanisms.

Some healthy, most…not so healthy.

But the bottom line is how all my energies were focused in that area of my life, and this led to me neglecting this blog.

Bringing me back to this update.

I’ve been rewriting my goals down almost every day.

(It should be every day I know, but I’m working on it.)

So, with me silently working on attracting these things on my goal list, however improbable, I have managed to achieve some of them.

I was just testing a theory that Napoleon Hill’s Law of Success: The 21st-Century Edition documented.

I wanted my fiancé’s car to be settled. We had another year to go until that was going to happen.

I hate waiting, and the persistent calls she was getting from the bank asking her to make payment for it was draining both our energies.

Guess what, after about 4 months of me writing this as one of my goals, unbeknownst to her, she managed to attract the funds to have the car settled last month!

What are the chances that something I was writing about achieving, without her knowing, could really come true just like that!!

Another of my “little wins” was how I managed to get my phone back from the repair guy.

The iPad my daughter shattered was also repaired.

We were gifted 2 Nutrilite Omega 3 packs, which I also had on my list. I actually had one, but the universe – through Dr York Liu, gave us 2.

I needed a new Hymm Shaving Razor. Which we got as well.

Small things that I’ve been writing about, without anyone knowing, are coming into my life.

Through various and interesting ways. Wins that need to be celebrated, especially how the car got settled.

That is brilliance at its best.

But more importantly, it’s the way that these goals have been attracted that gives me hope and hopefully, courage to ask for bigger goals.

You should give it a go.

~ Musa

There’s No Exit Strategy

For the longest of time I’ve been dreaming of an exit strategy.

As in, I will reach a certain point in my life where I will sit back and relax.

Doing nothing that will make me reach a higher level of living.

Where I would be satisfied with my lot.

Where I would have “peace.”

But that bubble was burst when John Maxwell said something in an interview he did with Ed Mylett.

It’s one of the things I fight about with my wife to be.

I’m not proud of it.

She always sees us progressing and wanting more for the family.

I’m of the belief that we should live below our means, and expand our means.

But this is a form of procrastination she feels.

Standing still defies nature.

Nature is always moving, growing, developing and changing.

The peace I’m referring to can only be achieved through death.

And even then my body will decay and rot until I’m all clothes and bones.

There is no threshold that I would reach.

Were I could hold on to my success for the rest of my life.

Life won’t allow me to because things are forever changing.

Nothing stays the same.

I always pride myself for going with the trend of universal laws.

But I now realize that I’ve been sabotaging myself.

Shooting myself in the foot.

Life has been challenging lately because I’ve been going against “the flow.”

There’s fun to be had in progress.

There’s fun to be had in process.

I need to remember that.

And to apologize to the wife.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musa

Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Anyone’s B****

Raise Your Standards.

If you don’t ask much from yourself.

Then you will keep getting what you keep getting.

This guy I know, he wrote that the one thing he clearly remembered that helped him change from being a janitor to a multimillionaire businessman, was that he raised he standards.

He expected more from himself.

So there are things that I used to do, in the spirit of pleasing others.

But now I don’t.

There are people out there who believe they need to be placed in pedestals.

An idea that they have people around them promote. Thinking that we all dance to their fiddle.

Not all of us do.

Don’t allow people to turn you into a person that begs for their approval.

Some people, because you love them, will have you feeling small and use emotional blackmail that will have you crawling on your knees as a price for them to welcome you back in their arms.

Because you are emotionally invested, the indecency alludes you.

But one day, you eyes will be wide opened.

Who knows.

Maybe that day will come when you start raising your standards.

tdkr-batman-rain

~ Musa

Your Growth Is Limited By Your Environment

My latest favorite content marketing guy said I should document my life regularly.

So here I am, doing just that.

Imitate successful people long enough and you too will be successful.

Long enough and consistently enough.

So there was something a friend of mine wrote…

… I can’t say we’re friends, I mean I never met the guy but I do enjoy his tweets.

Anyways, the guy wasn’t feeling well, I mean we are human, and he posted how he had a bad feeling about today.

This was something which was out of character of him.

But then again, like the rest of us, he spends like 2% of his life on social media so what do I know.

Nonetherless we are what we think.

As a man thinketh, so shall he be.

So I politely asked he stop with his sh** and focus on willing the day into a great one.

But I did that mostly for selfish reasons.

I can’t be scrolling through my Twitter timeline with such negativity.

Like, I’m the most negative person I know.

That’s why I need this blog, YouTube videos, and other motivational just to make it through the day.

So I need those I follow to inspire me with every swipe on my phone.

To surround myself with positive shandis that will outweigh the negative, so that I can attract more people and things to be grateful for.

I think that’s why I’ve unfriended so many on Facebook and unfollowed on IG and Twitter.

Be picky about the people or things you expose your mind to. They unconsciously affect the life you live and the things you have in your life.

~ Musa

Just Peachy….

I was on Facebook with it’s FB memories reminders.

That seems to be the only thing I update on Facebook, come to think of it.

Meaning next year I will be reminded about the memories FB reminded me of today.

Nothing new under the sun.

Went emo couple of days back with the blog I published.

That day sucked, but I’ve had worse.

The morning sex usually helps with improving my mood.

But my partner in crime was not available for the joint venture so I turned to food. I was out of beer.

Self gratification gives me minimal pleasure. Not as satisfying as the excitement I get in conquering the female body into orgasm…I digress.

So I took baby girl to daycare in the morning.

Did the dishes.

Took a nap.

Bathed and headed for work.

I took the time I spent offline focusing on what’s going right, even though the world is on fire around me.

Reminds me of that hell scene when John Constantine went for a quick peek in that Constantine movie.

Things could be better, yes, but bitching about them won’t change them much.

Sometimes the discomfort you are experiencing now is nudging you forward, not backward.

Busy praying for deliverance from your current unhappiness but you’re not happy with the process it takes for your prayer to be answered.

S*** will always hit the fan. Even more so when change is coming.

Think it’s a matter of riding it out. But to always keep your eyes on the price.

That’s why goals are important.

Without them, what’s the point of living?

~ Musa