I See You.

I’m pissed off.3833921-7044494301-19707

I’m hurt.

I haven’t been writing much because I haven’t been having the best 6 months so far.

Yes, it’s only month 4 of the new year.

I still had baggage been carried from last year. So the updates I’ve been writing felt forced.

I’m not the only one having it rough, reading what Thandeka wrote is proof of that.

My saving grace has been going back to reading the Bible app I keep deleting and reinstalling on my phone.

I think when you are too much in your head, you end up thinking you’re the only one having it tough.

So I’ve been on the move.

Literally moving from a bigger space to a smaller.

Taking long walks when I’m home.

Leaving an energy sucking job of 5 years for sales gig…I now see why getting a sales job was so easy…they always hiring because people quit.

It’s scary thought, slowly down.

Standing still.

To think.

To pause and listen.

I think I’ll break down.

Maybe that’s what I need.

Not sure if I’ll ever stop if I start…

…I’m not church person.

I went because whenever I went to visit my cousin’s, and they went.

Silently wishing that on that particular Sunday something needed to happen, to prevent us from going.

God found a way to scroll past that prayer though.

Because God has Facebook.

I did it for others, going to church. I was not internally drown to it.

The choir events, when church choirs from other churches come together to sign church songs, were dope.

Everything else lacked integrity.

The only organisation I experienced which had integrity of the highest level was Network 21.

Anywhere else was just filled with hypocrisy.

The Bible has been edited too many times for it to be taken as gospel.

It’s guidance.

Making sure you are on the right path.

Your north star.

But some church brothers and sister, even in other church, see it as gospel.

I don’t believe in church.

I don’t think I ever did.

I believe in God though.

The God of my understanding.

The one Phetheni still has a copy of…yes mama ngi sase lapho.

So I have been reading through the verses and highlighting passages that I want to contest or interpret better or relate better to.

Finding what I can apply that day, since I started a morning routine of reading a chapter in the morning.

Tom Bilyeu recommended I have a routine, and he’s the truth.

I feel better now.

Thank you.

~ Musa

 

 

 

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You Could Have It Worse

downloadHad a shit day at work yesterday.

Came back home having successfully gathered, in my mind, other BS past events to feel shit about.

But instead of hiding my mini depression behind alcohol or sex, I decided to pray about it.

Having all that stuff compound inside you, in the form of thoughts, will fester and eat you up inside.

Venting in the form of prayer, for me anyway, helps.

So I went to bed, sat up and took my sleeping Sethu in my arms and began to pray.

As if using her as my telephone line to God.

Mentioning how that very baby girl has the flue and needs to get better soon.

How taking her to speech therapy is emotionally taxing and how I need to be strong for her during these effortless sessions – the little one has the time of her life during these sessions.

I also prayed on how I need to speak to this surprisingly ignorant daycare teacher labeling my genius baby as a slow learner, even though the child development specialist evaluated that she’s only delayed in speech for her age.

Please-climb-that-tree1Actually f*** the specialist, I see that my baby is on point, even though the stupid twat doesn’t.

I prayed over the shit job situation, and their stupid ass meetings that borderline exit interviews.

Prayed about me having to raise 6 times my monthly salary in a space of 12 months as an offering to officially marry the mother of my child.

Me having to move my family to a new rental space. This being our 9th move to date.

The car needing services & repairs.

Me, the first born, feeling compelled to take care of my mom who sold her house.

God knows why.

I say God knows because after the house got sold and she had to go rent for a couple of months, she moved to another church.

The previous church is rumored as a church that uses people’s beliefs to church’s benefit…then again isn’t that the case with most churches?

God works in mysterious ways.

Mom now stays with relatives, who I feel are side eyeing me on why I haven’t stepped up to the plate and took ownership of her situation.

Hell, I’m barely holding things together with my family, let alone including umama into the equation.

Thinking that having the mother of my child going back to live her parents house would save us some money and open up some cashflow options, only to have her own mother kick her out.

Mamazala, your future son in law is working on solutions here but you’re a not getting with the program.

With resumes being updated and submitted for new job apps among all of this. Anxiety levels stretching since I’m going out of my comfort zone and whoring myself out to the marketplace yet again.

Then I heard are only distributor of energy in South Africa was over R400 billion in debt.

So maybe I don’t have it all that bad see?

~ Musa

Just Peachy….

I was on Facebook with it’s FB memories reminders.

That seems to be the only thing I update on Facebook, come to think of it.

Meaning next year I will be reminded about the memories FB reminded me of today.

Nothing new under the sun.

Went emo couple of days back with the blog I published.

That day sucked, but I’ve had worse.

The morning sex usually helps with improving my mood.

But my partner in crime was not available for the joint venture so I turned to food. I was out of beer.

Self gratification gives me minimal pleasure. Not as satisfying as the excitement I get in conquering the female body into orgasm…I digress.

So I took baby girl to daycare in the morning.

Did the dishes.

Took a nap.

Bathed and headed for work.

I took the time I spent offline focusing on what’s going right, even though the world is on fire around me.

Reminds me of that hell scene when John Constantine went for a quick peek in that Constantine movie.

Things could be better, yes, but bitching about them won’t change them much.

Sometimes the discomfort you are experiencing now is nudging you forward, not backward.

Busy praying for deliverance from your current unhappiness but you’re not happy with the process it takes for your prayer to be answered.

S*** will always hit the fan. Even more so when change is coming.

Think it’s a matter of riding it out. But to always keep your eyes on the price.

That’s why goals are important.

Without them, what’s the point of living?

~ Musa

Replace Your S** t Habits With Good Ones

I kept on seeing and hearing the name Simon Sinek being projected in my head.

Simon Sinek.

As if stuck in the frontal lobe of my brain.

Simon Sinek.

All this, haunting, while trying to sleep.

So here I am, writing about him.

I don’t know much about him.

He was first brought to my attention by a business partner who has a background in medicine.

Google Sinek.

From the little I know of him is that he’s a speaker.

He speaks about most about leadership. On what defines a leader and what drives her. Reasons why they are true leaders. Amongst other things.

He’s available on different social media sites, I also follow him on Twitter and IG.

He’s an author as well, he wrote Start With Why.

And there are lots of videos on the ‘Tube that have he’s talks.

I think there’s a vid of one of his talks I posted in one of my blogs that I thought was awesome.

There’s a bias that comes with being a leader that I want to take advantage of.

The monetary benefits of being paid to solve problems being one of them.

It’s as if followers create problems while leaders get paid to solve them.

So I’ve been listening to some of his audios as well. Him, John Maxwell and Gary Vaynerchuk are the 3 guys I’ve been filling my head with of late.

And Eric Thomas. #TGIM

I guess I can be obsessed with certain things in my life, such as my personal development.

If I don’t invest the time for it, noone else will.

Then I will just be like the rest of them, blaming my job or spouse or community or the government or the gods for my current, undesirable situations.

Not realising that the true problem here is me.

I fix me, all else gets fixed.

It’s an inside job.

~ Musa

A Business Like No Other…

new-mlm-companiesI think network marketing levels the playing field.

I could be wrong, it’s just my observation.

From my limited observation, businesses are handed over from generation to generation.

The only legacy I’ve seen being left the masses is poverty.

Some families are brought up with the option of aspiring to be business owner, while other families are sold the idea of becoming employees or self employed.

Asking the government to fix this in the form of land distribution, for instance, is as effective as the removal of our now current President from office.

But network marketing nullifies this dependent mindset.

The right one also offers you training and mentorship on how to succeed by also developing a business owner mindset.

But the best ones allow for your network marketing business to be passed on from generation to generation, just like these families I spoke of earlier.

With the right training to develop your skills, I believe anyone can succeed in what they put their minds to.

Multi level marketing included.

One of the hiccups I have with conventional business is the start up capital, amongst other uncertainties.

But obviously if you are committed enough and want it badly enough then you can find solutions around that.

I guess one chooses ones battles.

With me preferring minimum start up capital.

Minimal operational costs.

No overhead.picture2

With some part time but consistent work ethic, the results are predictable.

Results that can supplement my current salary.

Results that can be on par with my current salary.

Results that can eclipse my current salary.

A business like no other.

Look as a disclaimer, anything legit that allows you to make extra income is great.

Be it MLMs or another job or part time gig or strip joints.

I’m just talking about what I’m exposed to.

Do you due dilengece.

This working you way up to your salary month end only to start at zero the following month, is insane.

But most of us are doing it so it’s ok right?

I don’t think so.

~ Musa

Buying Your Way to Heaven…

51NXzS5PJxL…Is the most selfish thing you can do.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

I love Neale D. Walsch’s take on heaven.

How it’s not a place good people go to when they die but a place good people go to when they are still alive.

Good people are good because of their actions.

The good they do boomerangs back to them in the form of good things happening to them.

Those happenings are what refers to as heaven.

So heaven from what he wrote in his book is more of an experience more than it is a destination.

I love that.

Heaven on earth.

Through your thoughts and your words and your actions, you create your own hell or heaven on earth.

So buying yourself to heaven by doing good pays off.

Because what comes around, goes around.

~ Musa

Hell Is An Experience

Carracci-PurgatoryI’m thinking that sometimes we need to pray when things are going right too.

Like right now, as I’m thankful to God that my little girl is healthy and getting stronger by the day.

Almost a month ago she was in hospital being treated for the pneumonia she picked up at creche we think.

It’s a public hospital that means we were kicked out around 7pm and allowed in back in at 7am.

It felt shitty leaving her behind, oxygen mask on, drip in arm, with her feeling sickly.

There was no better time to go to God with her paining like she was.

So, eventually, when the weight of it all brought me to my knees, I started praying.

Not a lofty prayer but a detailed, heartfelt prayer of gratitude.

Being thankful of what I already have and being thankful of what I wanted to see, in terms of a healthy baby that’s being discharged and back home with us.

And I continued spending most of my day being grateful of that truth.

My truth.

A prayer God answered.

Remembering Her in the bad times only to forget or take Her for granted in the good times.

Beka manje, I’m spending my off day with my Beasty and I’m not thanking God for that.

While in this physical life I see hell and heaven as an experience.

Not a destination.

And the further away from God the closer I am to experiencing situations that feel hellish.

But with continuous association and communication with Her I will be guided out of those hell experiences into heavenly ones.

Like the one I’m having now.

And I’m grateful for them.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musa