Born Again

kinopoisk.ruI think Constantine was the best DC movie that DC have ever made.

A close number 2 being  V for Vendetta.

Shazam, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Justice League, and Batman vs Superman, were okayish.

I take that back, Wonder Woman was freaking awesome!

The Dark Knight Trilogy were on a league of their own.

I think the struggle they [DC] are having is marring all these movies into leading up to an “Avengers” kind of build-up…”Justice League Part II” in this case because Justice League wasn’t so great.

I don’t see that happening as effectively as Marvel did with their movies.

But if they have the money, and the time, I would like to see how successful they would be in their attempt.

I love the planning that went into Avengers: Endgame.

Talk about reverse engineering, right?

Knowing what you want at the end of the day, and then working & planning backwards from there.

It’s either that or I love the idea of seeing the good guys not living happily ever after.

Like in Troy.

I plan like this for most of my smaller goals, like getting to work on time.

I need to use it for my bigger goals.

So for example when I need to be at work by 10 AM and I’m using public transport, I would calculate that I need to be in town by 9 AM so that it would give me an hour dedicated to travelling to work.2f3c4b27ad724469ac8e336ca03c1c5f (1)

This means I need to be in the taxi cab from my place going to town by 8 AM.

So I need to be up by 7 AM.

Then Musa sets alarm clock for 7 AM.

But all of this begins by knowing what my aim is.

What is your aim?

Whether we would like to admit it or not, we are goal creating beings.

We are living in linear plane where we have a forward momentum towards everything in our world.

And since we are going forward like we are, we can’t help but to be heading towards something.

Some are heading towards a vague idea of what they want to achieve.

The few are heading to towards a crystal, clear idea of exactly what they want.7-habits.jpg

And one of the way they gain that vision is through reverse engineering planning.

I think I got this idea from reading those self-help books that were available in the library my aunt took me to, so she can use the time to study.

I used the time to read all sorts of works until I dared myself to read one thick book by Dr. Stephen R. Covey.

That book opened me up to a whole new world.

Re-reading that book opened up my brain to a new kind of living.

I was born-again.

~ Musa

The Struggle to Success

Sometimes you have to be knocked down to get ahead in life.

Because of the person you need to become once you get up.

But some just stay knocked down.

Life will knock you TF down, that’s inevitable.

But it’s imperative that you find a way to get up.

That is the price you have to pay for what you want.

Things don’t just come to you, on the regular, without you playing your part.

You got to have your teeth knocked in.

You got to get that gut check.

You want to succeed?

That’s the gauntlet you have to go through.

You get knocked down so that you can dust yourself off and rise.

It’s in your rising that you will find your salvation.

Get the F up!

Become alive.

Your soul yearns for that taste of being alive.

Life is working in your favour, believe it or not.

You might be having your dips in life, but you have more peaks than dips.

Your focus is on how s*** life is.

The important part is to remember that you are going through the dips.

Don’t camp there.

Keep going.

Crawl if you have to.

You have to go through the furnace to become the person you need to be.

Lift your head up so that your line of vision will allow you to see opportunities to get you ahead in life.

Not the obstacles you keep looking for on the ground.

Only then will you be within eye view of the things that you want.

Life is conspiring for you and not against you.

Life is outside your comfort zone, so in order for you to succeed, shit needs to be uncomfortable.

Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.

If you having it easy in life, then you’re not progressing towards success, but away from it.

It’s a process.

Like, how bad do you want it?

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~ Musa

Cards & Autism

It’s a painful experience realizing that your can’t do shit to immediately solve a mental health issue faced by your child…but don’t have mental health issues...by anyways this post isn’t about me…

…or is it…

Ok, I digress, come back.

Ok, then again I hear there a asshole parents out there who don’t give AF about their kids, I’m referring to those that do.

Omu has an ASD (autism spectrum disorder) barrier as well as ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and another barrier that makes it difficult for her to correctly speak out the words registered by her brain.

Fun-times.

My sister says I’m overexaggerating with all my concerns regarding these barriers.

That’s just one too many disorders for my liking.

It all began when my wife started sending Omu for speech therapy to ID if baby was in fact delayed in her speech.

Mommy’s intuitions were confirmed when it was discovered that baby was in fact delayed in the development of her speech in accordance to her age.

Baby was 2 at the time and still babbling, with her not being able to speak clear words or speaking a minimum of 2 word sentences.

After a couple of weekly sessions, the speech therapists recommended we take Omu to see a neuropediatrician.

And that’s the person who flipped the script on us, diagnosing her with severe ASD and ADHD.

I had an idea what ADHD was, but had no clue what ASD was.

It’s just that, whatever the acronym, I was flooded with emotions on…why her…

Non-autistic parents or friends or strangers do their best to assist and “comment” on how best we could manage Omu, advice not applicable to her because (God bless their souls) they have no clue how to best to interact and care for some who is on the spectrum.

So there’s this incorrect belief that me and mommy are all alone in the struggle, because the support system around us don’t fully understand the impact of raising an autistic.

So going to workshops, support groups, social workers who specialize in the field, and doing research on the barrier is giving us the foundation that we need to better equip ourselves in the journey to understanding baby and how she sees the world.

Holy shit, you should see how far Omu has come.

And you then add the occupational therapy she is doing, to assist her brain to establish the link between thought and speech, it brings tears to my eyes.

Every child develops at their own pace. It’s just that the gap I see when compared to toddlers her age…that shit hits home.

What she lacks in speech though, she excels in finding other ways to communicate, by grabbing you by the arm and pointing in the direction of what she wants.

She also kicks ass on the iPad, before it got smashed to bits, playing those matching games and navigating through the apps, I need to get that fixed.

My mom got her some matching board games as well that she successfully completes after a few tries.

Omu and her random screaming and/or laughter associated with her spectrum (those used catch me of guard). Her fine motor skills are in the process of developing to the level that we would like them to be. She’s making progress.

So as much as she would tell her brain to move her body in a certain way, when the message reaches her limbs they come out as something else.

So instead of placing a plastic cup filled with water on top of the table, like she would from her other independent water drinking attempts, she spills the cup on the floor.

Or when it comes to feeding herself. She can scoop the food, but the spoons travels many a places before it reaches her mouth.

Or the other time she had a meltdown on the floor and then started banging her forehead on the floor. I’m still recovering from seeing that. I mean, how do you respond to that?!

Her senses are heightened. Senses her brain cannot process correctly, at times. Sight, smell, touch, hearing data all coming to her at the same time.

To try and limit being overwhelmed (sensory overload, the call it) she would cover her ears and hum (aka stimming) to herself.

EJ8tavoWoAIA3m7Probably leave the environment and go outside where there’s less for her to process.

I need to get her noise cancelling headphones.

She also stims when she’s upset with something or hungry or thirsty or in need of a (brief) hug.

And mind you, she doesn’t like to be touched but welcomes hug every now and again.

On some “make that hug bra, I’ve got things to do.”

She can’t “read” emotions so when she pushes you aside when you’re in the way, girl does not give AF how you felt about that.

Her objective was achieved.

And when you protest, she looks at you unbeknownst to her of what you are faffing about.

This makes it hard for her to interact with people or make friends, apparently that’s an important skill to have…making friends.

They call it social skills…oh well.

I think that shit’s overrated but then again I too might need to get my head checked out for an American-defined disorder that they can be placed on, with its corresponding medication of course.

Uncle Sam needs to get paid you see?

Healthcare scandal or not, these are the cards that mommy and I were dealt with, and we need to see how we fare with them.

“It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.” – Randy Pausch

So that’s been my 2019.

Eventful, but I feel I ain’t seen nothing yet.

~ Musa

The Relapse

When I get obsessed with something or someone, I get really obsessed.

My grip becomes relentless.

I’m a hoarder.

When something feels good or fulfils something that I need, I hold on to it and I don’t let go.

This sometimes comes back to bite me in the ass.

Like a 5 year long job I held on to even though I could get a better paying job with improved working conditions elsewhere.

Or when someone distances themselves from me, I choose to completely ignore the tells and find a way to still stay “close” to them.

Some people are just to kind to blow me off.

I’m an emotional person.

I’m a very sensual person.

So knowing these facts about myself I tend to avoid human beings, because once I open up to someone, it very hard for me to let go of them.

So I walk around with a scowl on my face.

I’m very unapproachable.

I have my defensives up, because I’m so gullible.

I’m empathetic.

I then want to find things that would make you happy, so that I can also ride that high that comes from your happiness.

This makes me want to make you happy even more.

It becomes like a drug.

I have a very negative outlook in life generally, so finding “fountains” of happiness is like treasure hunting for me.

And when I do, I hoard it.

I’m over-sensitive.

When someone I love breaks away from me or their level of reciprocal love diminishes, I feel like the whole world is ending.

Just like how mom separated from my dad during my teens.

It turns out dad divorced my mom and not the other way around.

I used to blame her for the longest of time for that.

I believe that’s why I stayed for so long with a company that did not value me.

Because “breaking up” with it would trigger an emotion linked to a devastating memory.

I’m a masochist.

My pain-threshold is high, so even when I’m being rejected, I find ways to ignore and muscle on the delusion of being wanted (this is because, to me pain is pleasure).

When in truth my services are no longer required.

I taught my brain to associate pain with pleasure.

It’s like having sex, but with my brain.

A mindfuck.

Which sometimes leads me to making rash decisions that end up with me meeting up wonderful people.

The MacGyvers of this world.

The Steven Siegals.

The Chuck Norrises.

The Terminators.

The Never Dies.

Bo James Bond…who I end up falling in love with, because I have a weak restraint when it comes to managing my emotions.

I’m impulsive.

I’m Musawenkosi Tshoaele.

~ Musa

How You Feel Attracts What You See

I’ve been reading this book about vibrations in relation to the brain.

How not only your thoughts are a form of vibration, but how also your feelings a another form of vibration too.

Then it made me think how I’ve being feeling these days.

Anxious…frustrated emotions (vibrations).

While, in the same breath, praying (vibrating) for better circumstances that would make feel better.

Contradicting vibrations.

What you vibrate, you attract.

Like vibrations attract like vibrations.

It’s a freaking awesome realization as well as freaking terrifying.

It made me think:

What are your dominate thoughts?

What are your dominate feelings on an average day?

Because, according to research, all things, at their molecular level – are vibrations.

Everything things are energy.

Vibrating at different levels.

The level of your vibrations, dictates what willing be coming your way.

You attract, at a vibrational level.

The art is to match your current vibrations (thoughts & emotions) with your future goals.

You know, that feeling you will have once you get what you want?

That’s how you should be feeling now.

Easier said than done.

Especially if your life is a reincarnation of the movie Falling Down.

But maybe that’s why there are few people who succeed & the many who do not.

The few that put in the work, in order to achieve.

Let’s strive to be the few who are chosen.

~ Musa