Blaming It On The Full Moon

It was on a night like this. Full moon and all. Think I was waist high. Full-Moon-e1406929374981

Another fight between my parents. Sister too young to notice.

It bled out to the street. I guess the house was too small.

She’s was so Orlando, managing to throw in some licks of her own.

In the background I was hearing a voice, it sounded foreign, of someone reprimanding my dad and my mom.

That’s when I realized it was my voice. So loud, it felt wrong. To be raising my voice like that to my parents?

Mom had sister wrapped around her back with a small blanket.

But what got me was how clear the night was, outside

So clear from the light from the moon. So clear it was as if God had Her stage light on. Just for us.

I too was smacked around as well for obeying my mother when she asked me to follow her with her wanting to leave.

Heck, she was leaving. Taking evening taxi’s my aunt’s place maybe…

Never got to ask.

Mixed emotions.

Happy mom is away. But sad that she’s gone.

I wouldn’t come back if I was her.

But I want her back.

Dad managed to rip my sister from mom’s back.

Was sis’ crying?

Maybe, but this memory is not about her, it’s about me.

Why the fuck am I witnessing this.

It can’t be real.

Was smacked back reality because I endangered myself by being on road and not safe on the pavement.

But it’s not my fault I’m outside so late this evening, dude

But I’ll take it.

I’ve been taking it. For a while now so… whatever.

But why are you doing this in front of my sister?

We’re back home now.

Mom’s not here though so we’re back in the house now.

Awkward silence now.

Sister on his knee trying to quiet her.

Don’t quite down baby.

This is an outrage.

Why you calming down now?

You going to betray me as well?

Wants from with the women in my life?

Women are trash.

What now.

It’s still light out.

Sister be sleeping now.

So it’s time for bed as well.

My heart fuming. Keeping me warm from the cool breeze that was outside.

Feeling hollow.

Playing the blame game. Blame my mother. Blame my father. Blame my sister. And blaming it on the full moon.

~ Musa

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“Let the dead bury their own dead…”

Just want to extend on my Tumblr that the saying that goes “it gets easier with time,”… I don’t know about that hey.

The sting is still there, but maybe not as loud as before.

It’s like sand running through your hands.

She was alive…

…Then she wasn’t.

Followed by my friend’s father.

Then my work colleague.

Death was on a roll that’s for sure.

I think I don’t want to admit that it does get better with time.

Maybe because feeling the pain is evidence that it was real.

Her being with us, being with me.

But eventually there’s going to come a time when I will question whether this pain makes sense any more.

Or if it’s denying me the joy I could be experiencing right now.

But not right now.

~ Musa

PS: But one day I will. Life is too short to be living in the past.

Why We Shout In Anger

A Hindu saint who was visiting the river Ganges to take a bath, found a group of family members on the banks shouting in anger at each other.

He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked,

“Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?”

The disciples thought for a while, then one of them said,

“Because when we lose our calm, we shout.”

“But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you?”

“You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner,” asked the saint

The disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally the saint explained, “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot.”

“To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.”

“The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.”

“What happens when two people fall in love?”

“They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close.”

“The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…”

The saint continued,

“When they love each other even more, what happens?”

“They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.”

“Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all.”

“That is how close two people are when they love each other.”

He looked at his disciples and said,

“So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant.”

“Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.”

Via http://facebook.com/patty.kikos.page

I Am No Angel But Good Things Come To Me Thanks To The Law Of Attraction

Don’t get it twisted, I am not a monk.

I am not an overly optimistic guy who says he feels good when things aren’t actually so.

Truth be told, I always used to look at life as something of a competition.

I had an “if you are not for me, get out of the way” kind of attitude towards life.

So you could imagine the daily battles I attracted due to my focus of life.

I expected to fight m way, to bulldozer my way to the things I wanted, and a fight I got. Until I got used to the feeling of “accomplishment” I felt, bruised and blooded and burn at the end of my run.

Feelings of anger and frustration and hurt and sadness, to name few, where my closest friends and where, to me, that all too familiar feeling of “success.”

Going about life this way was tiring – emotionally, mentally and therefore physically, but I felt that that was the only way to go, I mean all the guys used to celebrate going about that way at the monastic school I attended, and since I wanted to belong – thanks to peer pressure – I confirmed to their way of doing things.

And it worked, even though the consciences weren’t so desirable. When I so they community of “they” work at achieving things, they used these “compete for everything” tactics and they got them. So surely I must be doing something right?

Not considering that they got what they got because they were in vibrational harmony with the thing they wanted – the process was irrelevant. What IS relevant that you believe the process will produce the results you want.

It’s all about faith in the results when you boil down to it.

Faith that you have promising results or Faith that you will receive unfavorable results.

“Whether you think you can or think you cannot, either way you are right” – Henry Ford

You see, I didn’t know that. I just thought I do the thing and I will get the same outcome as the other guy.

Talk about missing the plot.

So to put it in short, I was an angry, post-apartheid, young, educated black kid, with parents going through a divorce, from the famous township of Soweto, fighting for everything.
Even fighting for the peace I wanted my heart to experience. Not knowing that I was pushing it further away from me.

Life was hard only because I believed it was.

And what I believe becomes my reality.

My reality becomes my experience.

I then used this experience as proof to others of how hard life was.

I never knew that life was as limited as my mind could imagine & belief.

How my dominant thoughts I think create my reality and how by focusing on more of the things I loved, I then attract ways I can take to receive them.

I also thought, due to my sinful ways and the curse filled tongue I carried, certain “good” things in life I was not worthy of.

There I was, limiting my success and all the good, luxurious things I wanted in life with not only my thoughts of not deserving but also the negative vibration I was in 90% of the time.

How can I expect positive things to come to me when I myself was not in a positive vibration. We have to understand that we are living in a world of vibration, and that like vibration attracts like vibration.

So if we want good things to come our way, we need to find ways and any excuse to keep ourselves in a good, positive vibration, even if it is by determined positive thinking.

The world, God, Source Energy, response to our vibration (be it our mood, dominant thoughts, words or action) and produces for us the events and circumstances and people and things that were in harmony with that vibration.

How aligned are you to the thing you want?

But that I mean, how often do you feel the feelings you would feel of the thing you want once you have received it?

Feelings of: Joy; Happiness; Ease; Accomplishment; Prosperity; Love; Hope; Peace; etc.

It’s when you feel good that good things come, it’s not the other way around (of having received the thing you want and THEN feeling good).

Yet there was something gay, pun intended, about having feeling good. Maybe that’s why most of the homosexuals I know are so successful?

Nonetheless I struggled with that concept until I realized that I needed to change for change to happen and began working on myself and my perceptive of life.

(c) Musawenkosi Tshoaele, 2010. All rights reserved.

The Hidden Concept Behind How Other People’s Actions Affect How You Feel

“Mirrors”

“Do you ever find yourself getting frustrated or angry with the actions of others?

Whatever you see when you evaluate other people, is a projection of what is inside of you.

When you find yourself thinking, “I wish she could make a firm decision” it is an indication of your own frustration at not being able to make a decision.

In order to recognize something in others, you must first have it within yourself.

Think about it.

Is there something that makes you particularly angry?

Why?

Look inside yourself for the source of this anger.

Even if you could change the behaviour of others, it would not resolve your feelings.

You are the only one who can change the way you feel. Trying to run away by blaming others will only prolong the problem and make it worse.

The really good news is that this “mirror” has a positive side to it.

The inspiring, uplifting things you see in other people are in you as well.

When you see in others such things as compassion, genius, beauty, caring and affection, you’re seeing a projection of yourself.

You see these things because they are a part of you.

The source of your thoughts and feelings about other people, about things, about situations, is you.

When you see darkness, it is your darkness.

When you see beauty, it is your own beauty.

Grasp this concept, and you can change your world.”

I am expansively grateful to the Universe for effortless delivering to me this article for me to absorb, reflect so to pay it forward & and return it back to the abundant Universe to I am but a physical extension of.

(c) Musa Tshoaele, 2010

We’re All Connect: You Wouldn’t Willing Cause Another To Feel Pain If It Was Going To Cause You To Feel Pain Also

It literally feels like I woke up trying to push the furious flow of a powerful flow of water upstream with futile results.

Something my girlfriend said last night triggered an unchecked negative emotion which I choose to hold on to before going to bed, an error in thinking which does not harmonies with the rich, abundant happiness that my spiritual self is.

The unlimited spirit that holds my body together also forms the air between myself and another person or object.

That external person/ object is also composed of the spirit that I am although in a possible different vibration than I am in, a vibration that depicts the colour & form, giving us the illusion that due to our differences we are separate from one another.

Which is not true.

This “I am separate from you” mentality has led to misery, pain, discomfort, struggle, hatred, anger, dissatisfaction and other related emotions that are created by man and are not God created, and are thus the foundations of the Hell experience.

Even God is seen as a separate being from us with some people at times looking up to Him during prayer and not looking within – even after being reminded this with verses like “the kingdom of God is within.”

For me another interpretation of Let Go and Let God could be letting go of the thoughts and feelings that make me feel bad and embrace the positive goodness that God is, the positive goodness that I am.

And one way to do that is to break focus with it.

Feeding the discomfort with your focus and attention is just going to expand & increase it.

You will seem to attract past and future experiences that would justify and validate your current mood and it would feel like you are sinking faster and faster in your man-made quicksand which causes tension and stress through your body and that is where disease comes from.

Willing yourself to feed into your mind positive “feel good” images – the mind thinks in pictures, not words – by taking your focus away from thinking, talking, and feeling about your unfortunate state of being and into:

reading inspiring books or articles,

listening to or singing along to your favourite music,

dancing,

taking long peaceful walks taking in everything you see with awe and amazement,

closing your eyes and forcing each and every cell of your body to vibrate in a state of happiness for as long as you can,

taking a piece of paper and writing about what you would rather experience and how you would feel right now if the thing you wanted to happen happened,

eating and feeling joy as you allow your taste buds to celebrate at how good eating that bowl of cereal feels like you almost want to cry tears of joy, all exercises that might even take less than 3 minutes to do.

“Give thanks in all circumstances.”

Being humbled and giving thanks in all situations, good or bad, helps us see the lesson that has been brought to us by our subconscious mind.

A lesson that is needed to be learnt for us to grow in spiritual evolution bringing us closer in alignment to the Order wich is our unlimited Source Supply of God.

Something I need to sit in silence on and allow myself to voluntarily take in, accept and become.

An individual can stay mad or hold grudges for years on end and reap the repurccisons or she can do that for 3 minutes, and focus on attracting and manifesting and created the abundant success and happiness she is and thus deserves, by birthright.

– Musawenkosi Tshoaele, Copyright (c) 2009 – All rights reserved.

How To Deal With Anger

You know, there was a time when I believed being angry made me stronger?

The addictive adrenaline rush that I got from this anger I cultivated inside me used to make me feel empowered.

But everything I touched while in that emotional state got spoiled or rotten or gave me another reason to get even more pissed off.

It’s something that I have noticed with the relationship my baby sister has with my mom.

Sister is angry with mom because of mom involving her (sister) with the dispute she (mom) has/having with dad, amongst other things.

Parents separated.

Regular maintenance court appearances.

Something else for sister to add to her personal list of “things-to-get-angry-at-mom-for.”

Being able to communicate with someone, in the attempt to highlight the benefits of believing – with unwavering faith – on her guidance, especially when that person cannot see what you are talking about with their untrained eye is…

What’s the word…?

Let’s just say it would require supernatural abilities for someone to master this.

But never stopping finding new avenues of communicating these words of guidance, in the attempt to guide someone you love through hard times, is my definition of true love.

So with that said I will counter the anger she has for ma with the love I have for her.

Because after the discussion I had with mom this morning, she has to accept that sister will hate her now, but love her tomorrow.

So in the interim I will do my part and root for both teams.

Praying and being grateful that God is taking care of us, through thick and thin.

– Musawenkosi Tshoaele