Just Peachy….

I was on Facebook with it’s FB memories reminders.

That seems to be the only thing I update on Facebook, come to think of it.

Meaning next year I will be reminded about the memories FB reminded me of today.

Nothing new under the sun.

Went emo couple of days back with the blog I published.

That day sucked, but I’ve had worse.

The morning sex usually helps with improving my mood.

But my partner in crime was not available for the joint venture so I turned to food. I was out of beer.

Self gratification gives me minimal pleasure. Not as satisfying as the excitement I get in conquering the female body into orgasm…I digress.

So I took baby girl to daycare in the morning.

Did the dishes.

Took a nap.

Bathed and headed for work.

I took the time I spent offline focusing on what’s going right, even though the world is on fire around me.

Reminds me of that hell scene when John Constantine went for a quick peek in that Constantine movie.

Things could be better, yes, but bitching about them won’t change them much.

Sometimes the discomfort you are experiencing now is nudging you forward, not backward.

Busy praying for deliverance from your current unhappiness but you’re not happy with the process it takes for your prayer to be answered.

S*** will always hit the fan. Even more so when change is coming.

Think it’s a matter of riding it out. But to always keep your eyes on the price.

That’s why goals are important.

Without them, what’s the point of living?

~ Musa

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“Dead Or Alive, You Are Coming With Me.”

loopable-ekg-line-ekg-monitor-ekg-machine-heart-health-blue-ecg-monitor-shows-healthy-heart-beat-seamless-loop_sfw_cr5e__F0002

Been having a lot of pent up anger of late.

It compounds.

Lack of sleep.

Haven’t been reading a good book for almost a week now.

Missing out on my daily meditations.

Haven’t been rewriting my goals.

Not been listening to motivational audios.

Skipping motivational & educational videos.

It’s been months since I’ve been visualizing my success.

I haven’t been exercising as much as I did.

Been poorly taking my vitamins and supplements.

All things happening daily, gradually, to a point where I feel exhausted physically and mentally.

Dropping my emotional intelligence.

I’m in the business of where losing your cool would cost you your job.

That love and hate relationship of being concerned of losing the job you hate.

Where now I incorrectly blame others for my lack of self mastery.

You attract what you are.

Happiness is an inside job.

Won’t happen overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.

The rest is just consistency on your part.

Change begins when you take 100% responsibility of what’s happening around you.

To you.

Through you.

~ Musa

Learn From the Teachers In Your Life

So my colleague be pissing the hell out of me right now. Yoda_TPM_RotS

Think it’s because his personality is mostly different from mine.

There is a lesson in there though.

I can’t really put my finger on it.

Or maybe I just don’t want to.

And uncovering that will bring to light something about me, that I can use for selfish reasons.

By that I mean for my personal development.

I feel that if I have my stuff inside is in order, then I can produe positive results.

So the thing that’s upsetting me about the guy is something that I’m not impressed about kimi.

It’s not about him.

Once I learn to own it then “Mr. Colleague” wouldn’t irk me as much.

It’s a win-win.

I think some people are out there in our lives to help us become better people.

People in our lives that teach us life lessons.

As annoying as those lessons are.

They need to be learned.

~ Musa

Being At Fault

argument[1]Need to use a more creative headline.

So I tried this as action suggestions on this “How To Win Friends” book by Dale Carnegie.

About how you know that you are not the one to blame, but you act like you are?

I forgot for what purpose though: conflict avoidance, relationship building.

Either one it’s a win for me.

Usually I come out guns blazing.

I don’t play games.

Listening to some audios or reading helps though, something I haven’t been doing lately.

Long story short, my woman locked me in at our place when she left for work and took my key with as well.

This obviously affected me when it was my turn to go to work for my shift.

I’m so cute…”affected me.”

It pissed me off, that’s how much it affected.

She knows I don’t like it when she locks me in on her way out.

To top it off, she done took my keys with.

So after calm downing, changing my state, I brought this to her attention (via text) and began apologizing.

Firstly, for making it known that I “forgot” to mention how I preferred not being locked in.

Secondly on how I was silly enough to leave the my keys in her car.

And if she can be kind enough to verify if indeed she has them with her.

So tactful I was.

She obviously replied in kind, mentioning how taking my key was not intentional.

Come to think about it, it was an honest mistake.

Just thinking now how I would have made it a huge issue when it wasn’t.

It really wasn’t because we have a sliding door that can be used an an alternative exit.

Thank God.

Heck she was even sweet enough to give me a lift back home when I knocked off.

Positive outcome all the way.

I can only imagine how things would have been if I had let my ego take control.

Sometimes it’s good to take a step back and ask, “What will Love do now?”

I love you.

Thank you.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

~ Musa

Blaming It On The Full Moon

It was on a night like this. Full moon and all. Think I was waist high. Full-Moon-e1406929374981

Another fight between my parents. Sister too young to notice.

It bled out to the street. I guess the house was too small.

She’s was so Orlando, managing to throw in some licks of her own.

In the background I was hearing a voice, it sounded foreign, of someone reprimanding my dad and my mom.

That’s when I realized it was my voice. So loud, it felt wrong. To be raising my voice like that to my parents?

Mom had sister wrapped around her back with a small blanket.

But what got me was how clear the night was, outside

So clear from the light from the moon. So clear it was as if God had Her stage light on. Just for us.

I too was smacked around as well for obeying my mother when she asked me to follow her with her wanting to leave.

Heck, she was leaving. Taking evening taxi’s my aunt’s place maybe…

Never got to ask.

Mixed emotions.

Happy mom is away. But sad that she’s gone.

I wouldn’t come back if I was her.

But I want her back.

Dad managed to rip my sister from mom’s back.

Was sis’ crying?

Maybe, but this memory is not about her, it’s about me.

Why the fuck am I witnessing this.

It can’t be real.

Was smacked back reality because I endangered myself by being on road and not safe on the pavement.

But it’s not my fault I’m outside so late this evening, dude

But I’ll take it.

I’ve been taking it. For a while now so… whatever.

But why are you doing this in front of my sister?

We’re back home now.

Mom’s not here though so we’re back in the house now.

Awkward silence now.

Sister on his knee trying to quiet her.

Don’t quite down baby.

This is an outrage.

Why you calming down now?

You going to betray me as well?

Wants from with the women in my life?

Women are trash.

What now.

It’s still light out.

Sister be sleeping now.

So it’s time for bed as well.

My heart fuming. Keeping me warm from the cool breeze that was outside.

Feeling hollow.

Playing the blame game. Blame my mother. Blame my father. Blame my sister. And blaming it on the full moon.

~ Musa

“Let the dead bury their own dead…”

taker-entranceJust want to extend on my Tumblr that the saying that goes “it gets easier with time,”… I don’t know about that hey.

The sting is still there, but maybe not as loud as before.

It’s like sand running through your hands.

She was alive…

…Then she wasn’t.

Followed by my friend’s father.

Then my work colleague.

Death was on a roll that’s for sure.

I think I don’t want to admit that it does get better with time.

Maybe because feeling the pain is evidence that it was real.

Her being with us, being with me.

But eventually there’s going to come a time when I will question whether this pain makes sense any more.

Or if it’s denying me the joy I could be experiencing right now.

But not right now.

~ Musa

PS: But one day I will. Life is too short to be living in the past.

Why We Shout In Anger

A Hindu saint who was visiting the river Ganges to take a bath, found a group of family members on the banks shouting in anger at each other.

He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked,

“Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?”

The disciples thought for a while, then one of them said,

“Because when we lose our calm, we shout.”

“But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you?”

“You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner,” asked the saint

The disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally the saint explained, “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot.”

“To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.”

“The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.”

“What happens when two people fall in love?”

“They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close.”

“The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…”

The saint continued,

“When they love each other even more, what happens?”

“They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.”

“Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all.”

“That is how close two people are when they love each other.”

He looked at his disciples and said,

“So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant.”

“Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.”

Via http://facebook.com/patty.kikos.page