Blaming It On The Full Moon

It was on a night like this. Full moon and all. Think I was waist high. Full-Moon-e1406929374981

Another fight between my parents. Sister too young to notice.

It bled out to the street. I guess the house was too small.

She’s was so Orlando, managing to throw in some licks of her own.

In the background I was hearing a voice, it sounded foreign, of someone reprimanding my dad and my mom.

That’s when I realized it was my voice. So loud, it felt wrong. To be raising my voice like that to my parents?

Mom had sister wrapped around her back with a small blanket.

But what got me was how clear the night was, outside

So clear from the light from the moon. So clear it was as if God had Her stage light on. Just for us.

I too was smacked around as well for obeying my mother when she asked me to follow her with her wanting to leave.

Heck, she was leaving. Taking evening taxi’s my aunt’s place maybe…

Never got to ask.

Mixed emotions.

Happy mom is away. But sad that she’s gone.

I wouldn’t come back if I was her.

But I want her back.

Dad managed to rip my sister from mom’s back.

Was sis’ crying?

Maybe, but this memory is not about her, it’s about me.

Why the fuck am I witnessing this.

It can’t be real.

Was smacked back reality because I endangered myself by being on road and not safe on the pavement.

But it’s not my fault I’m outside so late this evening, dude

But I’ll take it.

I’ve been taking it. For a while now so… whatever.

But why are you doing this in front of my sister?

We’re back home now.

Mom’s not here though so we’re back in the house now.

Awkward silence now.

Sister on his knee trying to quiet her.

Don’t quite down baby.

This is an outrage.

Why you calming down now?

You going to betray me as well?

Wants from with the women in my life?

Women are trash.

What now.

It’s still light out.

Sister be sleeping now.

So it’s time for bed as well.

My heart fuming. Keeping me warm from the cool breeze that was outside.

Feeling hollow.

Playing the blame game. Blame my mother. Blame my father. Blame my sister. And blaming it on the full moon.

~ Musa

When Death, Time & Love Write Back 

I don’t like movies that make me cry.

Watching Collateral Beauty starring Will Smith had me squinting my eyes.

collateral_beautyHolding my tears back with my eyelids.

It’s been a while since I’ve watched a movie like that.

Evoking so much emotions then throwing me out of wack after it was done with me.

It was Mr. Smith’s best performance to date.

Enjoyed listening to the story behind the scenes on how he also experienced loss during the making of the movie.

How he just went all out in giving it all through the film.

Can’t wait until it’s out on Blu-ray.

It’s worth the watch.

Please forgive me.

I’m sorry.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musa

“You Are The Average Of The Top Five People You Spend Most Of Your Time With.” – Jim Rohn 

I don’t think you should deny yourself the release that comes from venting.

But don’t make it a habit.

Otherwise you will lose a lot of your blog readers that way.

Venting identifies the problem.

So now that you have IDed the problem, what’s the solution?

I read some where that some women vent to be heard, not that they are looking for a solution from you.

I think that’s weird, but then again men have a nothing box.

I think that’s weirder.

I’m going off topic again.

What I’m saying is that the things you put in your head will show in the kind of attitude you have.

If your head is in the gutter, then your attitude will stink.

Your attitude is something that might be hard to monitor with all the junk we are surrounded with.

From external influences like the news, TV and shitty friends and family who do more to pull you down than to lift you up.

The environment you’re in plays an important role in your thinking.

And I think, for the most part, you do have control over your environment.

Thank you.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

~ Musa

You Ever Saw A Scary Movie?

Making a habit of sidelining your life goals because of how hard achieving them will be is a bad habit.

Rather find yourself within the field that runs hand in hand with what you ultimately want in life, even if at the time the pay isn’t good.

Your initial sacrifices coupled with your desire to achieve and succeed in your life’s passion will eventually pay off.

Living life short selling yourself will only lead to regret in your late years.

Rather live a challenging life fighting for your dreams.

Than a quiet one with no stories to tell your grand kids.

I don’t want to be a boring, poor granddad living with my daughter.

Talk about a scary movie.

I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

~ Musawenkosi Tsoaela

“Dig the Well Before You Drink the Water”

Don’t know if it gets to you too but I find it upsetting how you get people out there who throw dirt and talk smack about other people’s dreams.

Overhead this girl saying she got herself a learners driver sign for her car, while at the same time this same girl didn’t have a car in the first place.

Her friend replied on how dumb that was.

“I mean shouldn’t you have the car first before you have the accessories?”

…okay come to think of it that does make more sense, but sometimes you need to do wild things like that to keep you going.

To keep you focused and to remind you daily on what you want to achieve for yourself.

What the learner driver girl was doing, unconsciously I would assume…or maybe I’m just hating, was making the goal an emotional one.

Something I am only now getting to understand its true meaning as a method of fast tracking reaching my goals.

So have the path laid out first in your head, before you walk on it.

But you need to make it an emotional path.

To play that video you play in your mind with such vividness and clarity, it’s as if you have the thing you want already here…with younow.

Because speaking out of experience that’s how I attracted my first car in the first place…keeping it was another story all together more on that on another post.

Cleared out the back of my mom’s place so that the space can be used for parking.

I had a picture of it on the computer desktop so that every time I was on my work pc I kept on bumping into it every time I switched programmes.

I drove my car in my mind every day even before I had one in my hands.

You should never stop believing no matter the noise you might hear from other people’s insecurities about your drive to succeed in something that will improve your life.

Life is too short for you to play small because of you not wanting to make people around you uncomfortable.

So it’s important to act in pursuit of your desired end result.

Like this successful business builder I listen to via audio CD put it: “dig the well before you drink the water… ”

…sounds like a Zig Ziglar quote come to think of it.

Point of the matter, do whatever it takes to keep your dream alive.

No matter what anyone says about how “realistic” you should be.

Even if it means acting in a small way right to remind you daily and inspire you on ways you can take to bring you closer to your goal.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musawenkosi Tshoaele

PS. The same “dumb” girl is now driving her brand new car with a relieved learners driver sign at the back window.

Never stop believing.

Raising Your Standards Changes Your Reality

In his book Awaken The Giant Within, Mr Anthony Robbins mentioned how I should raise my standards as part of the process of changing my life for the better.

A point I am beginning to agree with especially with the stench I have to endure on most mornings when I pass through Bree Taxi Rank.

One of two of the major transportation hubs in Johannesburg that offers commutters public transport to various destinations.

It didn’t use to bother me much, the stench of piss, decay, litter, ponds of sewerage I need to skip over…now that I think about it…it should have…

But now that I am reaching a point in my life when things are slowing down and take the time to take in my environment,  I’m getting picky with some of the things my mind gets exposed to.

I am changing what I used to see as acceptable.

And I will work on taking charge of more things in my life and being deliberate on what I exposed myself on a regular basis.

Bree not being one of them.

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Musawenkosi Tshoaele

Making the Burnout Worth Your While

So I don’t meditate as much.

So I don’t hear that inner voice as clearly as I used to.

Funny how I was closer to my core when I didn’t have to rush to work in the morning.

Sometimes this feeling of “forced” disconnection with my inner self leaves me feeling lost.

Because if I’m not feeling high on love, joy, happiness then there’s something that I’m doing that blocking the natural high I was born with.

Forced disconnection.

Should consider applying for a beach bum position.

It’s either that or I find myself an occupation I love doing.

All work will then be all play.

Making the burnout worth while.

I love you.

Thank you.

~ Musawenkosi Tshoaele