I sent a buddy of mine, a graduate mind you (because I hang around professionals), a recent photo of myself at office.
The air-con was on so I needed to put on my “Eskimo jacket.”
I looked so tired in it.
Well, my eyes looked tired.
My eyes used to radiate excitement and fun and joy and laughter, passion even.
I see those eyes in my older pics.
That fire in my eyes has slowly dimmed.
My supervisor in the short-term insurance telemarketing job I had in Randburg, mentioned how I smiled with my eyes.
I think my eyes I tired of telling lines, and are just reflecting what I feel in my heart.
What’s making you sad?”
I don’t know.
Or maybe I do and I just don’t want to admit it.
Admitting it will free me from this sadness that now feels so warm.
A colleague said that’s a toxic way of living.
I’ll be way from work for the next 6 days, I hope that I will find ways of getting my shit in order.
Or I should maybe consult with one of these professionals I’ve been bragging about.
I’ve been reading Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself – How to Love Your Mind and Create a New One by Dr. Joe Dipenza.
This book is striking almost every nerve I have in relation to my current head space. It’s a difficult read because I need the information that’s coming across from it.
Maybe once I’m done, my eyes won’t look as tired as my heart is.