It’s not about changing circumstances to solve the problem.
The problem is not as clear cut as changing jobs or adding other income sources.
It’s more of getting my next dopamine hit.
My highs are not as high as before.
My dips are getting deeper.
The need in the form of using sex and alcohol as a drug is getting stronger.
Unless I find an alternative.
These are just manifestations of an underlining issue I’m avoding.
A constant, prolonging pain that is foreign to the body but has made itself at home.
With my consent?
Anything that would free me of its existence, through antidepressants or dopamine stimulation is openly accepted.
The need for pleasure driving me away from pain.
Making me a master at attracting that anything and everything that will bring me pleasure.
In unhealthy ways…
Now with all this self-analysis and still not doing shit about it, makes all this a useless exercise.
But this is life, you need to own the bad days as much as you Instagram the good ones.