About people pleasers – Monday quote
To members of Esther and Abraham
Nina Ferrell October 25 at 6:34pm
What you are really doing, pleaser person, that you didn’t mean to do, is that you are making it unnecessary for your father to tend to his own vortex. And you’re the only one who’s going to do it, because you care so much about him.
And usually it’s the other way around. Children try to please their parents – it’s a natural thing, especially in the beginning. There’s a bigger intention brewing that, in most cases, doesn’t keep it going very long, and then parents write books like, “Where did my little girl go?…”
Let’s take lovers. If you decide that this person’s approval matters so much to you that you keep standing on your head to please them, two really screwy things happen.
First, you use them as your criteria, so you train yourself away from your own guidance system. So then that person has always got to be there and got to be consistent and that isn’t going to happen.
The other thing that happens that is equally screwy and unsettling is that you train that person into feeling good without doing the work of coming into alignment. So now they’re running around looking for other conditions to change. And that’s how the whole spiral happens. Everybody’s running around trying to get other people to change the conditions.
Stamford, CT 5/29/10