I told my girlfriend that there will come a time when I would write an entry on how, and more importantly Why, success – or the possibility of it, makes me uncomfortable.
And just like my previous post about The Power Of Purpose, I will turn within to find the answers to this self imposed question.
I would think that success to me, be it financially or otherwise, eludes me due to my low self esteem.
I think there is a certain confidence that a successful person has in order for her not to only attain wealth (be it spiritually, mentally, or physically) but to also believe she deserves it.
Or that she is worthy of it.
A certain “money-conscious” attitude that seems to attract the good in every act that she does.
A state of mind that anyone can adopt by fail to do so due to the perceptions they hold about themselves with relations to success.
One of the guys I am following on Twitter mentioned something about not referring at your past failures or experiences but to undertake whatever task you are facing with a new and positive attitude.
A mindset free from negative influences but a mind filled with positivity and enthusiasm.
It made me think of how I allow past bad experiences influence my present action.
I tend to dwell more on the bad experiences and feeling imprisoned due to them instead of celebrating the good experiences.
I think it came from believing that humility comes from accepting things as they were.
Which was, at that time, having to work around the lack my life was surrounded with and not longing for more.
As a kid I was giving the idea that wanting more would mean that I am ungrateful for what I already have.
Even though what I did have warranted the longing for more.
Irrational I know, but it was the credo I have lived most of my life by.
And accepting a concept either than the one I was raised by takes me out of my comfort zone.
And anything beyond my comfort I reject, it’s a reflex that has me going in circle.
Averting success in every corner.
It was like, every time I accomplished something worth rejoicing I immediately (and unconsciously) scold myself from ever enjoying the moment, enjoying the feeling because I did not display “humility”.
And humility to me definition was being poor and staying poor.
I don’t slouch or hang my head to show my humility.
And because I don’t do that I am being disrespectful to the “universe” or “my ancestors” or “God.”
And we can’t have that since I was raised to respect all.
This has become a daily habit that I imposed on almost every achievement I have accomplished.
Like that “one step forward, and two step back” effect I am having with success, or the acquiring of it.
Come to think about it it’s quite ironic that I now preach about how one’s most important desire is to get rich.
Law of attraction this, law of attraction that.
Promoting the legitimacy of following your desire especially if it is moving you towards the wanting for more even if it might be against those religious beliefs you hold dear to, for example.
Or even going against your upbringing.
Or, like in my case, both.
- Prayer Of Thanksgiving: Gratitude.
- Visualization Exercises.
- Plan and Execute.
- Celebrate Achievements, past and present.
- Hang around guys who will boost my self esteem.
- Believe in my magnificence, like any other “part of God” would.
- And to try by all means to think in terms of the Love that creates and is thus abundant, instead of the Fear that competes and is thus limiting.
I must also remember that success is another way God communicates with me.
Another way to tell me that He loves me without condition and that I must look out for more ways He can talk to me.
And allow myself to experience that love.
I am closer to God with every successful act I do.
I cannot allow financial success elude me because I am in actuality running away from God.
I do that, I shut myself out from the Supply.
Damned to experience a life of lack.